#seriously i'm going to have to fill out all those forms again aren't i

[lipglossandsacrifice]

.....................cook;ie...... - drawing anon

Yes, yes. A cookie.

[Tab hands off the cookie to drawing anon.]

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work.

[writingquestionsanswered]

I'm not sure if this has been asked before, but what can you do to gain more motivation? ik this is common writer things, but how do you actually overcome that thick barrier between writing and thinking about what you're going to write—and subsequently never doing it?

Thinking About Writing but Never Doing It

If you typically hit a barrier between thinking about a story and actually writing it, before you can overcome that barrier, you have to figure out why it's there.

1 - Is this problem general or specific? My first question would be whether you experience this problem with every story, some stories, or just this story in particular. Because if you don't always have this problem, that tells us the problem is localized... it's either something to do with this particular story or something going on with you right now. If you have a lot going on right now, are distracted by other things, or aren't feeling well physically or emotionally, that could certainly create a barrier. You zoom in on the specific issue/s and see what, if anything, you can do about them. Or, wait for it to pass. If it seems to be something to do with this particular story, my post 5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! can help. You can also look at Guide: How to Rekindle Your Motivation to Write, Getting Excited About Your Story Again, and Getting Unstuck: Motivation Beyond Mood Boards & Playlists.

2 - If the problem is general... if this happens to you with most or all stories, it's still worth considering the possibility that your motivation is hampered by how you're feeling physically or mentally. If you're in an era of life where you have a lot going on right now, say you're in college, your job is particularly hectic, or you've got small kids, you may just be physically and mentally exhausted. In that case, you can work on self-care and trying out different routines to see if you can improve your physical/mental well-being and perhaps find a writing time that makes the barrier come down or more easy to climb over.

If the problem doesn't seem to be with how you're feeling physically and/or mentally, I would suggest it could be an issue with having ideas for stories and a general desire to write, but not really knowing what to do with those ideas. In that case, spending some time consuming stories (reading, watching TV/movies, etc.) and paying attention to how the stories work can help you form a general foundation for understanding plot and story structure. You can also spend some time on my Plot & Story Structure master list of posts. Or, if the problem is that you have the desire to write, understand how stories work, but the barrier is a lack of ideas, my post Guide: Filling Your Creative Well has some suggestions to help with that. You can also have a look at my Motivation master list for additional help.

I hope something here helps to get you over your barrier! :)

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[thewolfisawake]

It was late yet it wasn't as though this affliction would rest. Norval brought the reports he received although he had expected that he'd be setting them on the king's desk for him to read in the morning. So imagine his surprise to be let through and directed towards the conservatory. Inside he could find Balmoral at a long table that was absolutely covered.

Maps, arrays of full and empty conduit crystals, schedules and guard rotations, and a smattering of reports and grievances. Off to the side was a decanter that was half empty. The king long since gave up on any form of decorum seeing as his circlet was discarded by the decanter with his hair loosened and sleeves rolled up. And he seemed to be on a break as he sipped his drink while observing the sky.

"Haw, you bring mair reports?" Balmoral asked, without looking over to the other. Norval strode to the table, "Yep, yep, though all this gathering, I haven't really reviewed anything."

"If it's anything like what ah been receiving, it's proceeding smoothly," the king informed, slipping his eyepatch from the table and affixing it again before he faced his general. He reached out for the reports, "The numbers appear tae be stable...at least better than initial collection. Steady reports from you and Risteard tell thon people are listening and proceeding with caution. Whether or concern or tae cover their hides, ah have yet tae see. But ya gambit was a success, Valan. Well done."

"I'm happy to hear your praises, Your Majesty," Norval said with a little bow, "...but you aren't pleased that it has gone through, are you?"

"Ah cannae change what has been done. What, you gaun haud it over my heid fir a while?" he joked before he was drinking again, starting to check out the new intel. The trend was comforting news, certainly. However the king felt no comfort. Not when he knew it meant more being transported off the Demilune Spring. Not when it meant the chances of being corrupted grew each day.

"...Actually, I wanted to talk to you about it."

An eye watched him, the color lazily swirling about in silent anticipation towards the Herald. Norval watched the king as well. Unlike most of the generals, he held little in the way of standing against the might of their sovereign. Although he knew there was little chance Balmoral was going to do something rash. After all, it was something of a one off and it did help that he was likely drunk.

"I do not regret the plan I put forward. And it is understandable how you reacted to it. And while, it worked out because it was us, your generals, your selected confidants, I wanted to put forward that you also unveiled a dangerous precedent."

"A dangerous precedent?" Balmoral repeated, asking for elaboration.

Norval continued, "Bal, in any other situation you would maintain a focus on the kingdom's interest. Ironically the place you sent others to being proof of your calculated mindset. However, when it comes to Mhoiran, that all goes out the window. And I like him as much as the next guy but it begs the question as to why. It's understandable why he is the way he is with you as you maintain a similar hold on all those you chose within your fold. But less clear is why he has that hold with you. Could it be...you are actually much closer...?"

With that, all the seriousness in the air deflated. The contrast actually had Balmoral laughing. It was a bit of relief from the dread that had been filling him for days, "'Course ya use work tae slip in the real questions, sleekit of you. Ah ken Bheinnan fir much longer than most of the lot of you. So in that sense, aye, we're much closer."

There was a softness in his eye as he said this. His gaze in the glass as if it could divine some unknown intent.

"So like, are you--"

"You had a point tae this, Norval?" Balmoral questioned, his terrible mood rolling back in, "Mhoirbheinn isnae here tae defend himself so ah like tae nae dwell on it longer than necessary."

"...I simply want to understand, Bal. As your Herald, I weave word in your favor. That gets more difficult when I don't get the motives. I'm not asking to know why...all that happened. Just why you took up as much as you did, why him? To help in any future endeavors and to help you maintain your image should it come up again."

It seemed he really did make a fool of himself at that meeting. Enough so his generals have either scolded him or plotted without him. To any other tyrant, it might have cost them their lives. But to Balmoral, it was comedic in a way, being reminded of what his aim was. And how it was no longer attaining but maintaining it. Power was no longer the issue but rather the image...and while Balmoral did think he could manage himself...well, at least he was smart enough to find others before he got cocky.

Why him?

"Why not him?" Balmoral echoed, "Ah doubt Bheinnan ken but he did me a kindness so long ago. Wan ah hardly exaggerate when ah say, it changed my life. And as you ken, ah pay back kindnesses. Though it feels no matter how much ah try tae pay it back, ah only end up further and further indebted tae him. What started as a simple 'you did something fir me, let me do something fir you' ended up...anything but simple. How do you pay back giving hope dare even excitement fir your goals? What is fair fir standing there...when there was nae wan before? What dae ah give fir lessons invaluable tae you? Tae wa--"

Thinking of his beloved brought such a tenderness to him. A tenderness the fae only learned because of him. So much of it all was because of him. But it also brought back the heartache Balmoral had been avoiding. So that his love didn't see through their bond. How sorely he was missed and the forlorn wistfulness that threatened to consume him.

"Och, ah had tae much, it's loosened this tongue far tae much," Balmoral stopped himself, "You'll hae tae accept the ramblings of a fu' fool tae glean from."

"That is fine I think I understand one thing," Norval said with a nod, an eager listener, "Mhoiran is His Majesty's greatest source of strength. Which is amazing, don't get me wrong. But also puts forward something else...."

Though he was talking Balmoral had already started resuming his work, wanting a distraction again. However there came a phrasing that sounds almost like it was whispered in his ear.

"...Your greatest strength also is your one weakness."

That brought his attention back to the Herald, who was grinning as always, "But with Mhoiran so strong as is it's not really anything you'd have to worry about. I'm sorry to have taken up your time, Bal, just needed a distraction from the mountain load we got. And hearing about you and Mhoiran is pretty nice to hear."

"So you use me fir your distraction. Cheeky, Norval."

"Don't say it like that! I just--mm, you know there's no way of making this sound better so I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead."

"Wise choice. Now off with you, we hae business tae finish," with that the Herald was off. Balmoral swirled around the glass he held. He seemed to consider it before placing it down on the table. It seemed the reports would have to do.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1122: Worrisome Phone Call (Persona 5 X SSBU)

8:54 p.m. at Niijima Apartment.......

Makoto: (Finishes her Assignment While Sitting on her Couch) ('Sigh') Okay. There's a three more questions to answer left. ('Starts Yawning a Bit') Might be more trickier than the last, but-

'Cellphone Ringtone of Makoto's Theme Song'

Makoto: (Picks her Phone Up From the Coffee and Answers the Call) Hello?

???: (Calling From the Other Line) Makoto?

Makoto: (Immediately Recognizes the Voice) Oh hi sis. How's it going? (Smirks a Tad Bit Playfully) Is your date night with Dr. Takemi-san going well so far?~

Sae: ('Sigh') It went as well as we hoped. (Rolls her Eyes) 'Till a certain Ren-Ren came by the café, covered in bruises.

Makoto: (Eyes Widened in Complete Shock as She Quickly Gets Up From her Seat) WHAT!? HOW!? WHY!? W-WHAT HAPPENED!!?

Sae: He got himself into a bar fight. Apparently some..he.. big demon guy came in and punched him out of nowhere.

Ren: (Voice is Heard on the Other Line) Don't forget he has horns!

Sae: ('Sigh') Big demon guy with horns, punched him.

Makoto: ('Sighs in a Bit of Relief') I take it he's doing okay right now, huh?

Sae: Yep. His injuries will take a little while to heal properly though. Wanna talk to him?

Makoto: Yes, please.

Sae: (Gives Ren her Phone) Ren, here. And please refrain yourself from making my little sister worry more than she already is right now.

Ren: When have I ever made your sister more worried about me?

Sae: .........................

Ren: N-Nevermind. I see your point. (Starts Speaking to Makoto Thru the Phone) Hey, honey. How are you tonight?

Makoto: (Sits Back Down on the Couch) Worried about you as always. Was what sis told me just now is true?

Ren: ('Sigh') Yeah, I got my ass handed to me earlie-AHHAHA! (Suddenly Winces in Pain)

Tae: (Speaking on the Other Line) I can't treat your wounds properly if you gonna keep jumping around like that, Guinea Pig.

Ren: Well, maybe WARN me before you start rubbing that on my cheeks! It stings like hell!

Tae: Well, using 91% of Rubbing Alcohol could do that to ya. Best you can do is wise up and take it like a man. (Continues Rubbing a Alcohol Filled Cotton onto Ren's Bruised Cheeks as She Snickers a Bit at the Sound of his Pain Enduced Pain) You baby.

Makoto: Best to listen to the doctor, Ren. You can do it~

Ren: You're laughing at my misery too, aren't you?

Makoto: (Trying Her Hardest Not to Expose Herself in her Laughing) N-No! No, of course not, I would never. ('Clears Throat') I'm just happy hear you speaking.

Ren: (Smiles Softly) Good. I'm sorry I made you worried for like the hundreth time now.

Makoto: Actually, you've made me worried one hundred and thirty seventh time in the row thus far.

Ren: (Sounds Surprised) Oh god. It's THAT many?

Makoto: (Snickers Again) No, I just made those numbers up. But it is close to that. But in all seriousness though, for real this time, how are you feeling right now?

Ren: Well, other than exhaustion and stingy amount of- PAIN! (Felt an Alcohol Filled Cotton Touched his Cheek Again)

Tae: Sorry. Forgot to warn that time.

Ren: (Let's Out a Heavy Sigh) I'm just glad to be home right now.......

Makoto: ('Sigh') You and me both. I always figured going to college would be an advanced challenge, but I didn't imagine it would be this tiring....

Ren: Yeah, it tends to do that to your psyche. But don't give in just yet. I know you have what it takes to make it big one day.

Makoto: (Happily Nodded to Ren's Words) I never planned on it. Do you....still want to work at the bar after what happened earlier?

Ren: Yeah, I think so. The bar fight sucked, but I'm not gonna let it get to me forever. I'm more worried for Uncle Rodin if anything.

Makoto: Oh right, Mr. Rodin! How is he? Is he okay?

Ren: Last time I saw him, he was pulverizing the big, horns guy to a pulp hard enough to transform into his Devil form. No way in hell I'm getting near that crossfire.

Omega: Ren, your mothers are calling you on your portable phone. Shall I answer and give them the update of the current situation?

Ren: No! Omega, whatever you do, don't answer that call! Just let it ring.

Makoto: (Eyes Begins to Widened Again) What!?

Sae: Ren Amimaya, are you planning on keeping this under wraps from your own mothers?

Ren: Not forever! Just for tonight. And maybe in the morning too.....

Makoto: (Sighs While Pinching the Bridge of her Nose) Oh my god, Ren.....

Sae: ('Sigh') Dear lord......

Tae: Wait, time out. You have moms now, Guinea Pig?

Ren: Yep. A witch and a goddess. My actual parents disowned me long while ago, so they decided to adopt me as their own. You should need 'em sometime they're great

Makoto: How about meeting them right now, Doctor?

Ren: ('Sigh') Makoto-

Makoto: Nonono. Don't you "Makoto" me, mister. You know as well as I do that not telling them will only lead to more problems.

Ren: I know that! But they're on their anniversary date right now and the last I want to do is ruin it by making them worry. And possibly killing Uncle Rodin.

Omega: Phone is still calling!

Ren: Keep letting it ring, big guy! They'll quit eventually.

Makoto: Highly doubt it.

Sae: You realize you're delaying inevitable, right?

Ren: The inevitability for me to fall asleep?

Sae: ..........You know what I'm talking about.

Tae: You are really poking a hornet's nest here, aren't you, Guinea Pig?

Ren: Just being cautious here. It's not like they're gonna drop everything and come over-

Futuba: (Downstairs) OH REN!~ YOU GOT SOME COMPANY!~

Ren: ......It's.....probably Ryuji or-

Bayonetta: RENNYYYYYYYYYYYY!~

Palutena: WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUU!?~

Sae: You were saying?~

Ren: ('Sighs in Defeat') Already standing corrected. Omega, tell them I'm upstairs, will ya?

Omega: Affirmative.

Omega's footsteps echoes through Makoto's phone a bit.

Makoto: (Smirks Playfully) I'm guessing it's time for you see to see your mommies now, hm?~

Ren ('Sigh') Seems like it.....Congrats, Doc, it looks like you'll be meeting them after al- AH! SERIOUSLY!?

Tae: Apologies. The excitement got best of me there.

Ren: LIAR!

Sae: Ren Amimaya, are you accusing my girlfriend of lying!?

Ren: YES I-

Sae: ........................

Ren: No! Nope....I-I'm not accusing anyone.

Sae: You better not.

Makoto: (Giggles Softly at Her Love One's Banters Between One Another) As much as I would love to hear more of your banters, I really have to get back and finish up my assignments for the night. But I'll come by and visit you first thing tomorrow morning, okay?

Ren: Sure thing. Make you get some sleep afterwards, alright?

Makoto: (Giggles Softly) Worrying about me now, aren't we?~

Ren: Can't have you looking out for my well being and not do the same, you know?

Makoto: I suppose not. I love you so much, Ren-Ren~

Ren: I love you too, my queen~

'Ahem'

Makoto: ('Sigh') And I love you as well, sis. Thank you so much for looking out for my boyfriend this evening.

Sae: Don't mention it. Your Ren-Ren has been a pain in a neck as always-

Ren: Hey!

Sae: But he's still a good boy regardless.

Tae: You forgot the reckless part, 'hon.

Sae: Ah, yes sorry. He's a good, reckless boy, I mean.

Ren: I hate you two so- AH!

Tae: Okay, that one was actually on purpose this time~

Ren: (Gritting his Teeth) I can see that, Doc.......

Makoto: (Syarts Giggling Once More) Okay~ I see you three are clearly busy now, so I'll leave you be then. Have a goodnight!~

As the phone call finally ends, Makoto begins to let out a huge sigh of relief before going back to her assignment studies for the rest of the nest.

@keyenuta

@princekirijo

@cyber-wildcat

@albion-93

@caleb13frede

[samithefungus]

A request coming from the comments of my fic on Ao3; hope you like it <3

Coffin x Death Reader

WARNINGS: Mention of Death and Panic Attacks

-You were on the sofa relaxing; a few days before you had had an accident and you were still a little bruised

-You picked up the phone to check your chats and you saw that in the chat with your friends everyone was claiming that you were dead and they were sad about it

- You rolled your eyes; your friends knew very well that you were afraid of dying, so you decided to ignore them, thinking it was a joke

-When you got up to go get a glass of water you felt something hit your foot so you looked down and it was your heart

- A slight panic attacked you, but you repeated to yourself that it wasn't your heart

-The organ on the floor started to move moving across the wooden floor

-At this point you were more confused than anything else

-You kept looking at the heart, until it dissolved on the floor and a strange shape was starting to form with the wooden floorboards

-You blanched when you saw the shape of a coffin take shape

-Coffin approached you and said :"Hi, nice place, I'd like to live in a place like this..."

-You weren't really listening to what Coffin was saying cause you were slowly panicking

-"...You're dead" is the only thing you heard and when he said those words your heart sank and you was breathless.

-"It's not possible, there must have been a mistake" you said completely panicked

-Coffin tried to stay professional and said "No mistake, I have your name written here" then showing you his clipboard.

-The sight of your name on a list of recently deceased people didn't help you at all, in fact you felt tears in your eyes

-"No, there must be someone you confused me for!" You said in a shaking voice trying to escape your fate

-"Is your name Y/N?" Coffin asked

-You sadly nodded

- "Then there's no confusion; now we have to hurry, we have a funeral to do," said Coffin

-By now you could feel the tears cutting down your cheeks

-"I DON'T WANT TO BE BURIED!!! I DON'T WANT THE WORMS TO EAT MY BODY!!! I DON'T WANT!!!" You screamed in panic

-"You prefer cremation" Coffin proposed

-This made you break down in a loud cry and between sobs you repeated: "I don't want to die! Please don't let me die! I'm too young for this!"

-Coffin, noticing your current panic attack, sat you down and encouraged you to control your breathing.

-Once you calmed down Coffin asked "Are you afraid of death, aren't you?"

-You, still in a clear state of anxiety, nodded

-"There is nothing to fear, death is something natural" Coffin said

-"But, I don't want to leave my friends and my family..." You said almost in a whisper

-"I know, nobody wants to, but there comes a time when you have to," Coffin replied

-And he was right, at one point in your life you would have had to leave your loved ones anyway; you didn't understand if this reassured you or not, you just know that you preferred to stay silent for a while

-After about 2 minutes Coffin spoke to you again: "Some of my clients think back to the happy moments they had with their family and friends; maybe it could help you"

-"I don't think so, it would just make me feel worse" you said

-"I understand...Then Ipromise to you that I will stay with you until you...fall asleep forever" He said in a reassuring tone

-You forced a smile; you were more or less accepting that you were dead

*Let's move on to the moment you're buried*

-As promised Coffin stayed with you the whole time, even delaying the paperwork to fill out

-He stayed there for more than two hours talking to you

-Then you slowly closed your eyes and you're finally dead for real

-Coffin heaved a little sigh; you've been a difficult customer he has to admit it, but honestly you're the only customers he will seriously miss.

[virtueofsanityx]

sometimes, reggie wonders if it's only him that notices the inherent romance and ambiance of the cabin. the way that the fire cracks and spits in the otherwise quiet room, the way it dances and casts shadows across the walls and the floor, the silent beauty of the snow falling outside almost too damn picturesque to be real. the way it bubbles inside of him, fills him with all sorts of desire, the passion that it bleeds into his very soul, all while feelings he knows he can't act on curl in his chest like a sticky hot mass, threatening to overwhelm and consume him.

he looks at dmitri with too much longing to say that they're just friends, though the rational part of his mind understands that the other man would probably say exactly that. the way that the fire flickers across his face, makes him look almost ethereal in the quiet cabin, is like a personal form of torture to reggie, who has to shift a little on the fur beneath him, playing the movement off as a bid to simply get more comfortable. more comfortable indeed, though he isn't thinking about the implications of it. that's a dangerous path, the kind that leads to wolves and hard life lessons in fairytales.

a moment passes where he isn't sure what to say, because he's afraid that saying anything is simply going to lead to a massive word vomit of feelings that could have him kicked out of here and sent home, cold and alone and sadder than the longing leaves him. eventually, after clearing his throat a little, he manages. "thanks, man." so simple in word, but the tone in his voice, soft and fraying at the edges, reveals just how desperately he means it. because there are few things in life that reggie takes more seriously than abuela, the woman raised him and it seems only fitting that he do everything in his power (or in this case, someone elses power) to help her now.

it's his constant fight. a battle more trecherous than even rushing into a burning building. holding on to that last sliver of family. "she wants to meet you, by the way." he adds it after a beat, a pregnant pause in the air that follows a heavy silence as reggie pulls himself together. he finally turns to look at dmitri again, to allow himself those few moments of soaking him in, of eyes roaming around his face, taking in each and every feature as if they aren't all burned into his memory already, committed to his mind with perfect clarity. they roam, too, further afield, enjoying the look of strong arms and a strong chest hidden under fabric that honestly does the man a disservice, though that's reggie's private opinion, before he looks up again. "abuela. wants to meet you. i talk about you enough."

and though the offer is genuine, reggie knows better than to actually take him to meet her. because abuela's the chatty type. the kind that would spill a secret crush the man is harboring like he's fifteen and getting heart eyed in the locker room.

as dmitri speaks again, reggie wonders if the other man will notice the slight tightening of his jaw, the way that his eyes flash with something that could only be called jealousy for a moment before he turns his head to look straight up at the ceiling again. he laughs, the kind of laugh that sounds jovial in the quiet of the cabin, but that is definitely more than a little forced. "burboun, i can do. not sure i'm willing to bring you a pretty boy for christmas." or ever, though that's the kind of thought that stays inside. he doesn't elaborate, though, and the moment is plagued by another long silence as he thinks.

is there something i should be wanting?

reggie doesn't know how to answer that without tipping his hand. fingers that rest against his chest tap out a rhythmic pattern. thoughts swirl in his head, plenty of them, answers to that question that are tiptoeing into places he's trying to avoid like a mine field. "i dunno, man. i think that's one of those life questions that only you can answer. in your heart of hearts, the deepest pits of desire, what is that one thing that would sooth the clawing beast inside your chest... or whatever. if you can answer that, i guess that would be the answer to your question. for me, i think, cheesy as it sounds, that thing is love. a real, whirlwind, romantic, knock you on your ass and takes your breath away love that's recriprocated. not just this one sided, falling in love with some guy who doesn't even notice thing i've been doing."

The cabin exhaled peace in every detail: the soft furs brushing beneath Dmitri’s calloused fingers, the vast silence beyond the frosted windows, the snow falling like whispers, blanketing the trees until they looked like something out of a dream. But the tranquility wasn’t complete without Reggie. He filled the space, his voice tender and smooth, each word curling into Dmitri’s chest like a prayer, easing the jagged edges of a heart too familiar with damage.

Dmitri wasn’t one for softness, not really. His life had been a battlefield, sometimes literal, sometimes not. The underground fights his family had thrown the younger him into for cash hadn't left room for much tenderness. But looking at Reggie, his friend who spoke with so much conviction and love about his family, Dmitri couldn’t help but admire him. A pang of something bitter and yearning twisted inside. That kind of unconditional love, that instinct to protect and care for someone as if they were fragile and precious----- that was foreign to Dmitri. Alien and irresistible.

The amber glow of the flames danced over Reggie's skin, drawing Dmitri’s eyes like gravity. He forced himself to look away, pretending to fumble with his phone, composing a quick text to one of his many Nutritionists. The message wasn’t about Dmitri or his needs; it was about Reggie’s abuela. He’d find someone to help, a home health aide, whatever was needed. Reggie had brought it up, and Dmitri wasn’t the kind of man to ignore something like that.

He set the phone down and shrugged as if it were nothing. “Don’t worry about it, man. I’ll take care of it. Easy Christmas present, right? Wish everyone was that clear about what they wanted.”

As Dmitri’s hands sank into the soft furs beneath him, grounding him, he cast a smile at Reggie---- warm, a little dreamy, and far too revealing if Reggie cared to look closely. The quiet of the cabin wrapped around them, the world outside muffled by snow. It wasn’t just secluded; it was intimate, in a way that left no room to hide.

Is it wrong to want love for the holidays?

Reggie's voice lingered in his head, uninvited and impossible to ignore. A ‘man who has it all.’ ...Was that really how people saw him? Well, he could understand why. He'd made it, for one. Earned all his riches by pretty much beating the shit out of the competition until the UFC handed over those hefty million dollar paychecks. Everyone from the company to the crowd was willing to pay top dollar just to watch Dmitri obliterate some poor soul, not to mention how he flexed it, blatantly. Carried himself like a King because he damn sure deserved it.

But still... it wasn’t enough. Not really.

Something was missing, and Dmitri hated admitting it, even to himself. He blamed those damned Hallmark movies, the ones clogging up every channel this time of year. They had him thinking about things he didn’t usually let himself dwell on---- love, family, connection. Shifting his weight, his gaze fell back to Reggie, whose skin seemed to glow in the firelight. Dmitri’s throat tightened, his usual confidence faltering. “I want…” He trailed off, the words catching somewhere between his chest and his tongue. Nervous? Seriously? Him? A man who’d stood toe-to-toe with the meanest goddamn opponents without flinching was now stumbling over his own thoughts.

He swallowed hard, Adam's apple bobbing as he forced out a laugh, trying to mask the vulnerability creeping in. “I dunno, man. You know me---- pretty easy to please. Get me a pretty boy and a bottle of bourbon, and I’m good.” But even as the words left his mouth, they felt hollow. Safe. Another bullet dodged, perhaps. “Is there something I should be wanting?” he asked, deep velvet tones quieter this time.

[iznsfw]

Can you write a smut on where Hyewon accidentally injures a stranger?

First Aid

IZ*ONE's Kang Hyewon x Male Reader Smut

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"You fucking shot me, Hyewon! Or was it Hyeju? It isn't something that could be solved with a 'sorry'!"

"For the hundredth time, it was an accident!"

"An accident that could get me—fuck!—killed." You screech in pain when Hyewon shoves her knee down on your abdomen. You gasp and try to tug free from the pressure created by her knee. "What the hell? Are you actually trying to kill me?"

"No, you idiot," says Hyewon, rolling her eyes. Her knee leans further into your stomach. "I'm trying to prevent you from having an infection before the doctors come here!"

You screech even more. As the pressure increases and so does the volume of your screams, you begin to see more reason why you should not have put that damn apple on your shoulder for her shooting practice. And for a stranger too!

But thank God you aren't on the dirty grass anymore; it is replaced with a bed with white fitted sheets, soft pillows beneath your head and neck. The comfort from them contrasts the roughness of the anxious Hyewon straddling you with her hands trying to stop the bleeding.

The bleeding has partially stopped thanks to Hyewon's years of practice in first aid. However, her distinct skills don't distract you from the fact that she shot you.

You swear to God, what were you thinking playing a target just for a pretty stranger at camp?

"You should g-give me something," you manage to stammer out, a smirk playing on your lips despite the severity of the situation. "For all this trouble you put me through."

"Fuck you."

"You guessed it."

"Don't get too brave now." Hyewon digs her knee deeper in your abdomen threateningly. "I could just leave you bleeding here and tell them I killed you in self-defense. They'd believe it too, with me naked and you blubbering on the bed right now."

"Very funny. You think the bleeding would stop if the blood goes to my dick anyway?"

"Fuck you to the highest degree."

"Do it," you say. You narrow your eyes at her. "I dare you."

Seriously, maybe a good fuck would help. You have decided that when this gorgeous stranger stripped herself of the blue blouse and tied it around your stomach. You cannot believe how loose clothing could hide tits like those so well; deception is really amazing.

You drink in Hyewon's large innocent-looking eyes, the tied-up messy brown hair, and her voluptuous body whose large bosom is only supported by a white bra.

Lick your lips in anticipation. Yeah, maybe this could help.

Hyewon catches you staring at her. Red fills her cheeks. The color in them quickly disappears, or maybe they do because of the slap she delivered across your face that renders you dizzy.

"I would slap you again," she says tentatively. Her focus switches to your bulge. "But I wanna see how this dick would fuck me up."

"That's right. It's a win-win situation. You ride my dick"—you swallow roughly when she discards of her jeans on the floor, leaving her in panties that match the color of her bra—"and the blood will go to it and the bleeding will stop."

It's a stupid statement, but who's to say it didn't work?

Hyewon's eager hands unbuckle your belt and jeans then tugs them down to your knees. Her thighs shift on your skin as she carefully places herself on your bulge and grinds on it slowly.

Heat begins to form in your center. Swears spilling from your mouth, your hips involuntarily jerk up into Hyewon's core, the wetness dripping from her folds dampening her panties and erecting your dick. Her hands find their way to the sides of the bed as she raises her shapely hips to dry hump you.

Holy shit. This is heaven. Because of how she leans down, you are provided a spectacular view of her deep cleavage. The mounds curve down to hard brown nipples that create buttons on her bra. You couldn't hold yourself back from squeezing one of her breasts in your hand, evoking a low moan from Hyewon.

"S-See?" you say weakly as she pulls down your underwear. Your painfully stiff erection prods against the center of her panties. "This isn't so bad, is it?"

Hyewon's breath hitches in your throat when your hand slips under the cup of her bra to knead her chest. "I guess you're right. Fuck."

Her voice is lower than usual, something that just makes her even more attractive. The fabric of her panties slide against the underside of your cock. Her agonizingly slow grinding finally ends in the head of your cock inserting itself underneath the panties and brushing against her folds that keep your tip moist with her juices.

The first contact with it makes you shudder. You wonder if it's because of the wound or just plain arousal; most likely the latter. Hyewon whimpers needily as she slides her folds back and forth against your dick, her hands splayed on your chest. Every once in a while heaven goes down on earth in the form of a heavenly brush of your swollen head against her throbbing clit.

She smiles. "Maybe we're going to stop the bleeding after all."

It goes on like that: foreplaying grinding of her core on your dick that steadily stimulates her clit, sending sparks of heat rushing into her veins. Her juices drip freely on your skin and make sticky mess. You could not believe how wet she is.

After another soft stuttered "Fuck", Hyewon finally sinks onto your length.

Just the expression on her face can make you combust. Though you could not see it very well since her head is thrown back in pleasure you could tell she is moaning, jaw dropped as your dick stretches her out deliciously, and her eyes closed in ecstasy. The feeling of her grippy cunt clenching like there's no tomorrow on your dick makes you thrust up into it.

"You're so big…" she whimpers.

Her hips roll dizzying circles before she takes it your cock till the base. A moan leaves your lips when you feel her completely take in your dick.

She begins to ride you. Your breaths are ragged as her tits heave up and down. Her bra begins to slip away from them. Your dick rubs on her walls and creates an imprint in her tight stomach, prodding against the skin. Your balls get the privilege of meeting with her firm ass after every bounce she does.

As Hyewon moans and writhes, you make the conclusion that if all does not end well today, you will die happily. A beautiful stranger with big tits and a tight pussy riding you while you lie back and watch? Maybe it is all worth it, just for Hyewon.

Hyewon whose last name you haven't the slightest idea of. Hyewon whose unsteady shooting got you in this clinic bed in the first place. Hyewon whom you've only met today.

All those are red flags already. So why are you risking death for a girl you do not even know?

Because that Hyewon is also the Hyewon who is riding you at a pace as unsteady as her shooting, but this time it is to your benefit. Her riding switches from quick and careless to slow but forceful, then a repeated cycle. The veins that stand out in your dick rub deliciously against her sensitive spots and have her moan huskily. Her sounds of pleasure are pleasant music to your ears and more blood to your cock.

"Fuck!"

The one that has you cumming along with her is her high-pitched girlish gasp when she finally climaxes. You rut inside Hyewon and paint her silken walls white. They flutter around your dick as Hyewon rides you desperately, quick reckless sounds of her ass slapping against your thighs and wet sounds adding up to her gasps.

Both of your hips buck and spasm against each other's crotch. You cannot hold back your loud groans anymore, so they blend in with Hyewon's while cream drips out of her pussy and onto the bedsheets.

Hyewon's limp frame slumps on top of you. Her breasts press against your abdomen. Your hands take the opportunity of groping her ass and touching every inch of her perfect body. Your deft fingers curl and unhook her bra from behind her back.

As the bra slips down from her torso and she begins to ride you again, you realize that her hands trailing up her chest to knead her tits have distracted you from the paramedic at the doorway of the clinic whose obvious erection fights against the fabric of his jeans.

Huh. That's one way to go out.

[whimsicallyreading]

For Rowaelin Month day 17

 “A sick day”

CW- PTSD, mentions of violence

Aelin considered herself a fortunate person.

She has survived genocide, her family's murders, losing loved ones, slavery, torture, and the Great War. Now she is a queen, a mother, a beloved Mate.

Her life had changed since those bleak days where she'd wondered if she would ever escape captivity—the days when Aelin didn't know if she would ever be free or find love again. Every morning she woke up curled into Rowan's side, and while she drank her morning tea, Aelin could count on her young daughter snuggling into her lap.

Yes, she was swamped most days, but that was normal for a queen. But even the moments between boring meetings brimmed with life and laughter. Rowan's hand on her thigh beneath the table. Fenrys' theatrics when conversation spiraled off-topic. And even the hardened lords thought it was hilarious when their three-year-old princess barged into councils and demanded her mother's attention.

Her family gathered for dinners at the end of every day. Aelin's little family, Fenrys, Emrys, and Malakai were the regular attendees. Aedion, Lysandra, Elide, and Lorcan joined when they were present. It was a time reserved for family only, and it was by far Aelin's favorite part of the day.

Aelin had a good life now. Her family was growing, and her country thrived beneath her rule.

So it always took her by surprise when a bad day came.

She had woken up fine. Delly had slammed open the chamber door with a gust of wind and squirmed herself between her and Rowan in the early morning. Usually, Aelin treasured the moments when her daughter joined them, but being pregnant again had taken a toll on her sleep.

Rowan tried to stop their child before she entirely collapsed onto Aelin but was a moment too slow. Delly flopped onto her mother's chest in a disarray of wrinkled nightgown and golden curls. Soft sobs were sputtering out of the tiny figure.

I'm sorry. Rowan whispered into her thoughts. He knew how hard pregnancy was on her and took his mate's comfort very seriously. It troubled him that their toddling daughter woke Aelin so abruptly.

Aelin blinks the sleep from her eyes and sends him a happy smile to assure him everything is fine.

"What's wrong, Dell?" Aelin soothes a hand up her baby's quaking form.

Adelia sniffles harder, unable to talk through the tears. She'd started to have bad dreams in recent weeks, but never had she been so inconsolable.

Aelin shifts as Adelia's arms tighten uncomfortably around her bump. Rowan sees her discomfort and reaches around to pull Dell to him instead, but it is met with resistance.

"No," Adelia finally wails. "Mama. I want Mama."

Rowan frowns. Adelia was a daddy's girl to the bone, and this was the first time she'd ever refused to go to him. Their daughter squeezes harder and burrows her face into Aelin's torso.

"Dell," Rowan leans next to her and whispers, a cool breeze brushing against her flushed cheek. "What's wrong little love?"

Adelia lifts her head, and Aelin's heart contracts painfully. Her cheeks are red and swollen from the intensity of her crying, little sobs still stumbling from her chest as Rowan settles her down enough to speak.

"Mama was gone. She was hurt, and she couldn't see me." Dell sniffles, her green eyes glassy. "Can you see me, Mama?"

Aelin tugs her daughter in closer, unable to stand the sight of her so sad. "Yes, of course, I can. I'm right here."

"You were in a box. She wouldn't let me see you," Adelia whimpers in a small voice. "She told me she was gonna keep you. I don't want you to go, Mama."

Aelin's face blanches. It wasn't possible. Her little baby couldn't possibly have seen what was coming to her mind. She looks at Rowan, and his face is pinched with worry.

"It's not real, Dell." Rowan uses a thumb to wipe the tears off her cheek.

Adelia flinches. "Uncle Ress told me it was. He told me Mama had got stollen and put into a box by the bad lady and that she should have stayed there."

Aelin's heart stops. Nausea crawls up her throat, and Rowan tugs Adelia away just in time for her to crawl out of bed and gag into a potted plant. The sickness grips Aelin, the shudders in her arms only growing worse with her daughter's mumbled cries.

"Daddy, I want Mama to stay here." Rowan hushes her and murmurs quiet reassurances. "Don't let her get stollen."

Ress had said that? In front of her daughter? Aelin tries to close her eyes against the visions creeping into her mind. The places her scars used to be ache, and her hands pulse with the remembered pain of reconstruction.

The baby in her womb squirms under its mother's stress, and Aelin throws up again.

She should have stayed there.

Cairn brings the hammer down onto her frail knees, the ringing of cracking bone splits the air.

She should have stayed there.

Aelin opens her eyes to endless darkness. Sweet smoke wafts through invisible holes and sends her to sleep- leaving her mind vulnerable to Maeve's manipulations.

She should have stayed there.

More and more memories swarm behind her eyelids until a pair of grounding arms wrap around her shoulders.

"Fireheart, you are home. You are safe. Can you breathe with me?" Rowan sighs loudly behind her shoulder, and Aelin tries to force her own breath out.

Breathing in is harder, but Rowan's scent fills her nose and loosens the binds on her lungs. Soon, Aelin is doing the exercises independently, and Rowan nuzzles his face into her neck. His hands snake under her bump and lift some of the pressure, easing more of her tension.

"There you are," Rowan kisses her cheek as Aelin comes back around. "Are you okay?"

Aelin shakes her head and sinks into his arms. "Can you take me back to bed?"

Her legs feel like jelly, and her stomach is weak from turning. Rowan lifts her with ease. His arms are warm, and he murmurs sweet nothings into her ear as he carries his mate back to their bed.

"Adelia?" Aelin looks around for their daughter.

Rowan pulls back the duvet and reveals the sleepy from nestled right into the middle of the pillows. "She fell back asleep quickly."

"I can't believe Ress told her those things," Aelin can feel a tear slipping down her face. Ress had never forgiven her for her days as Celaena. Darrow had grown to accept her, but Ress never warmed up to having Aelin as his queen despite her efforts.

She hadn't realized the extent his hatred went.

Rowan scowls as he lays Aelin down next to their daughter. "Ress is young and foolish. I have forgiven a lot of his hostility and ignored most of his juvenile antics, but Aelin, I can't forgive this."

"He should never have said those things to Dell." Ress's words linger in her head. She tried to do right by her title and live up to her parent's legacy. Aelin took a lot of pride in listening to the demands of her people and tending to their problems personally. But the odds of Ress being the only one to feel this way are slim. Did they wish she'd never returned? Was she arrogant to take the crown just because it was her inheritance? She'd never had the formal training as ruler and relied a lot on Rowan to help manage foreign affairs. Despite the loss of her fire, many still feared her and considered her a murderer. No matter how hard she tried, Aelin's history as Adarlan's Assassin proceeded her.

Tears burn Aelin's eyes, and Rowan's scowl deepens. "He should have never spoken of you like that at all."

Aelin shakes her head, "It's his right to think what he wants. Maybe he has a point."

"No." Rowan growls, and Dell flinches in her sleep. Taking a deep breath, Rowan softens his voice. "He's wrong, Aelin. Ress was wrong to scare Dell, and he has no right to demean everything you've sacrificed. You've suffered for your people."

"I closed the lock because I had to Rowan," Aelin argues. "That doesn't automatically make me a good queen. What if I'm failing?"

Rowan pulls their duvet up to Aelin's chin, and Dell instinctively snuggles to her mother's side. Her daughter was a leach for warmth, and Aelin could feel her remaining flames writhing in her veins agitated.

"You are a wonderful ruler, Fireheart." Rowan bends down and kisses her lips reverently. "I've met my fair share of emperors, kings, and queens. None of them have given up so much to better the lives of their people. They care for you in return."

Rowan steps away from the bed, and Aelin makes a displeased noise. "Where are you going so early in the morning."

"I'm awake now. I feel like a flight through Oakwald. Go to sleep, and when you wake up, I'll bring my females breakfast," Rowan pulls on a plain white tunic. "Sleep, love. You both need your rest."

Rowan can read her too well. Aelin can feel her eyes drooping despite how much she wants to deny it. "Very well, but there better be tea and pastries."

As Aelin drifts back to sleep, she swears that a mischievous smile passes across her mate's face.

~~~

"Aelin," Maeve twirls a lock of blonde hair in her fingers. "Where are the keys?"

Cairn twists the blade in her thigh again, and Aelin screams, "screw yourself."

Aelin writhes beneath the pain and the dark queen's gaze. Her torturer goes to twist the blade again, but Maeve holds up a hand. "Wait. There is a smarter way to go about this."

"I won't tell you anything," Aelin gasps, the blood seeping from her thigh pools onto the table. "There is nothing you can do."

"Not even to spare the princess?" Maeve smiles as the cell door opens. Connall walks into the room, a squirming girl in his arms.

"Let me go," the girl screams, and the air in the room turns frigid. Her blonde hair whips around as she twists and fights. The little girl's head turns, and she freezes when she catches sight of Aelin. "Mama?"

"Adelia?" Aelin asks, confused. "You can't be here. You aren't supposed to be here." With renewed energy, Aelin thrashes against her bonds and bares her teeth at Maeve.

Maeve takes Adelia from Connall and strokes her hair. "Such a pretty one."

"This isn't real," Aelin hisses. "I wasn't pregnant when you took me. Adelia was born in Terresan."

Maeve hums a sympathetic note, "It seems you're confused." Aelin fights as the dark queen sits with a frozen Adelia in her lap. "Begin again, Cairn."

A hot iron is lain against Aelin's neck, and Adelia's screams rattle the stone chamber.

~~~

Aelin wakes with a gasp. Her chest is seizing in uncontrollable fits, and little hands cup the sides of her face.

"Mama?" Adelia's concerned face hovers over Aelin's. "Why are you crying?"

Relief washes over her at the sight of her daughter, safe and sound. She tries to take deeper breaths, but her body fights against her. The baby in her womb squirms uncomfortably. Aelin feels guilt that they are so subject to her moods. She tries to open her mouth to speak, consol her frightened daughter, but Aelin can't get any words out.

"Daddy!" Dell screams, frightened tears gathering in the corner of her eyes.

Rowan bursts through the door, "Dell?"

Adelia sniffles and kisses Aelin's face sadly, "Daddy, what's wrong with Mama?"

Aelin grabs at her chest, trying to ease the tightness there. She was scaring her daughter. What kind of mother would do that? Rowan sits beside her, and a cool wind goes up her nose and fills her lungs.

"Fireheart," Rowan lifts Adelia and sits beside her. "Is this a sick day?"

It was the code they'd come up with for the days when the past came back to haunt them. When the turmoil in their mind forces their bodies to rebel, and they can't seem to put on their usual facades. It used to shame Aelin, the days she couldn't rise from bed and do her duty. But her mate's unwavering love soon cracked that lie and eased her burden. Rowan had convincing arguments. Aelin's people needed their queen at her best, and on sick days, she wasn't able to give that to them. Their court was strong. They wouldn't allow Terresan to fall while she recovered. Aelin deserved time to heal.

Rowan must have been able to tell that she wouldn't be able to settle herself this time as his winds continued their push and pull in her chest. "Yes," she rasps dejectedly.

Dell buries her face into Rowan's shoulder. Her mate rests a hand on the side of her face and soothes her cheek. "To whatever end, Aelin. We will get through this just as we do everything else."

Rowan kisses the side of Dell's face. "Little love, do you think you can go to the kitchens and have someone bring Mama tea?"

That fae instinct to fuss rears its head in their child. Adelia perks up at the opportunity to do something useful. "Yes!"

Rowan sets her on the floor, and she takes off in a blur of untamed hair and swishing skirts. They wince as a gust of wind slams the doors of their chambers against the wall.

"She's a handful," Rowan talks, aware of the soothing effect his voice has on her. "But we always knew our children would be. I can't wait to see what kind of chaos our son brings into our lives."

Aelin wraps her arms around him as the remnants of her dreams finally fade away. "You think it's a boy?"

"I know so," Rowan pinches her side, and Aelin smiles. He'd also been confident that their first child would be a girl. His smugness after Adelia's birth was unbearable.

"Rowan," Aelin whispers. "Can we just lay here today?"

"I could never deny you anything," Rowan leans against their headboard and kicks off his shoes. "You don't need to ask, Aelin. It's okay to take time for yourself."

"What if I'm just proving Ress right?" The insecurity slips from her lips before she can stop them. "What if there is someone more capable?"

"Ress won't be a problem anymore," Rowan rests a hand against her bump, and the baby withing kicks at it, bringing a smile to his face.

Aelin narrows her eyes, "What have you done?"

"Nothing that anyone will blame me for," Rowan assures. "He would be in a lot more trouble if the rest of the court learned what he said in front of Dell. Ress should be grateful I didn't do a lot worse."

Aelin sighs, "I don't understand why I can't just let it all go. Why do I allow myself to be so haunted?"

"It's not that simple," Rowan shakes his head. "I'm hundreds of years old, and no matter how many years pass, there are things from my past that haven't healed. The mind is different from the body, and sometimes it takes longer for it to recover. There is nothing wrong with that. You gave up everything for the people you loved."

"Because I had to," Aelin contradicts.

A hardness comes over Rowan, "because no one else could."

Rowan rolls over her body into a plank and looks deep into her eyes. "No one else that day would have made the same sacrifices out of love. Not even me. I was too selfish to let you go. You gave up everything, and by the strength in your soul, you came home to me. In all my decades, I have never met someone so remarkable, and I never will again. Take as many years as you need to recover, Aelin. This world owes a debt to you, and I will make sure it pays. You deserve every happiness."

His hand threads through one of hers and drags it up to rest on the bump between them.

Happiness.

Dell darts back into their room, a cup of tea sloshing in her hands as she runs. "Daddy, I put extra sugar in it. Uncle Fen is coming with more cups, but I made this one special."

Rowan pulls away from her, and the laughter on his face is contagious.  

Aelin smiles and accepts the tea from Dell's hands. She even manages a few sips without cringing from the sweetness. Fenrys follows behind her shortly and sets a fresh cup covertly on her bedside table.

There may be hard days, Aelin realizes as her family gathers around her, but the love they showed her every day made it all worth it.

[thetravelingmaster]

Anonymity - Shield or Weapon?

The most common thing among us in this community is Anonymity. We all use it to some degree when indulging our Kinks. Our first and foremost reason to do it is, of course, to keep us safe as we explore this strange and for some, embarrassing kinky world of non conventional arousal. The internet is a heaven for everyone to learn and explore ANYTHING their hearts may find desirable.

Are identities aren't needed to indulge and discover new things about ourselves. You can call yourself Jack, Jill, Fran or Hornybabyslut. It doesn't matter. It helps create a sense of security that enables you to dive into what ever kink you feel you can't indulge in your every day life.

And even if you can indulge IRL and are fully accepted as the kinkster that you are, Anonymity affords you a a free shield for you to protect your wonderful life from the dark and ill intentioned predators constantly surfing the World Wide Web for prey.

Anonymity isn't bad at all. It's recommended.

Exploring and enjoying our different kinks can lead you to wonderful and emotional places. Places you may not go if you couldn't be someone else.

Anonymity is a perfect and accepted shield we all carry.

But it doesn't mean you can't be yourself. It doesn't mean you can't be honest and true with yourself and the people you engage with.

You can call yourself Gina64 and be a full on kinky bimbo slut that talks and acts so dumb and dirty that the people you engage with online think you are nothing more. If that is your way to explore and escape, there is nothing wrong with that. You can become anyone you wish once you fire up your phone or your computer.

That is the beauty of this wonderful and dark internet.

When all is said and done, Gina64 is just a persona you try on. She may or may not have the same beliefs as you promote in your every day life. That's perfectly fine.

Anonymity offers that possibility. That safety...

However...

Anonymity can also be a weapon.

That same safety can protect the bad people that are looking to take advantage of others.

Just like a sword, it can be used to defend and protect as well as divide and conquer. It all depends on who wields it and what they choose to do with the sword in their hands.

My point is very simple: Anonymity doesn't half to mean that you can be 100% yourself.

For the purpose of this post, I'm going to exclude the people that come here to become someone else. It can be a very therapeutic and I definitely not saying that being a completely different person online is wrong in anyway.

Well not in itself...

And that's what I mean. You can play at being fun and fluffy or dark and brooding, what ever fills your cup of tea. As long as you are being honest with yourself about why you are doing it.

The problem I have tonight as I write these lines is when the kink in question involves hypnosis. Not fun roleplaying, but REAL hypnosis and subsequent play.

You have to be very honest and open to engage in that sort of kink and Anonymity can offer you that safe space to indulge from.

BUT ANONYMITY DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE BEING DISHONEST.

Being dishonest has nothing to do with anonymity and here is an example of what I mean. Say Our Gina64 is into hypnosis. Say she searches out potential erotic hypnotists online to explore and indulge that itch. She can call herself Gina64 and be a dude. It doesn't really matter as long as you are being honest and about the level of things you wish to reveal to the hypnotist.

If you are being honest with yourself and the person you are engaging with, no harm no foul.

But say that Gina64 doesn't want to reveal that he is in fact a guy. It could be fine if the hypnotist doesn't care. But what if the reason you are engaging in hypnosis is to experience erotic hypnosis? And that Gina64 leads the hypnotist on being saying again and again that they are a girl. For all of us, erotic hypnosis in our Kink community is arousing and erotic for both parties. So a hypnotist that decides to engage and offer erotic hypnosis to Gina64 while under the impression that he is a she when in fact they are a HE...

Well... That can create confusing and even dangerous things down the road. If the connection develops and more and more the hypnotist is made to believe in this falsehood, then it creates an invisible rift between them. A very dishonest rift...

A rift that can actually hurt... Especially if the hypnosis kink also includes flavours of Domination and submission. We all know and understand that D/s play can stir up incredibly powerful emotions. As the lies pile on to covert up more lies, the cycle becomes deeper and darker with every dishonest reply.

Until Gina64 finds himself in a position where the lies have boxed him in and he has to bail out instead of admitting to everything he led the hypnotist to believe and experience.

And I'm not even going to talk about people who create elaborate and complex fake personas to actively catfish people...

I'm not saying that all people who indulge in hypnokink and D/s play should always reveal everything about themselves, far from it.

What I'm saying is that you just have to be HONEST as to what type of person you are and what you want to experience. Our community can be very open minded. It's the very nature of our kink.

And anonymity provides the perfect way to be 100% true to yourself without fear or worries.

To properly demonstrate how one can be completely anonymous and still be incredibly honest, I'm going to talk about friend @qu1etsleep.

Theo is an incredible human being and hypnotist that is, like me, adamant about keeping his online life separate from his offline life. He doesn't shy away from telling anyone who contacts him that Theo isn't his real name and that there is no respectful way in hell that you'll ever get a glimpse or a clue as to who he really is.

His Anonymity is a shield meant to keep the lines clear between his hobby and his life. We all do that in some form or another.

I might not know Theo's true name and identity, but I do know that if I were to ever sit in a cafe somewhere and end up chatting with the man behind the blog, then those 2 persons would be identical.

I'd have the same exact conversations and learn about all the exact same opinions Theo and the man in front of me share.

Because even though his name has changed, he will still be the same person. he just changed out his name tag. Nothing else changed.

Theo is authentic with himself and with everyone that takes the time to talk with him. His Anonymity doesn't affect or change that at all. It just offers him the same safety we all crave.

This authenticity is what makes him, in my humble opinion, a terrific and accomplished 'amateur' hypnotist. Make no mistake, he is no rookie and he WILL drop you if the rapport is there. Authentic and Anonymous...

That is what this community needs above all else.

Some of you MIGHT just understand why I'm ranting about all this tonight, and you would be right. I've felt the sting of this double edged sword and it took others to help me see just how far down the fake rabbit hole I had been led into.

But now I'm out, dusting off the creepiness of the experience and moving on.

So by all means, soak yourselves in Anonymity until people in our kink community aren't even sure who you are...

But BE HONEST. And if you do, I think you'll find even more incredible people and exquisite experiences to be had. You'd be surprised how much someone can accept and understand.

As a point of fact, if the person you are trying to let into your mind isn't opened minded enough to accept your own authenticity, then perhaps you should seriously rethink the fact that you are giving them the keys to your mental palace.

There is no gain from being dishonest and stringing people along.

Unless that is the pleasure you are seeking here... If that is the case, then maybe you should start understanding that you are no better than a full blown predator.

And that is something our community needs the least of all.

We are all searching and indulging ourselves in our forbidden and delicious kinks, there is nothing wrong with that.

Enjoy your safe and secure anonymity, but do it responsibly and above all, do it while being honest with yourself and others.

[emmajh97-mumaji]

"YOUR TWIN SISTER BETRAYED ME! YOUR DAMN SEMBLANCE KILLED SUMMER! And now my daughters are dead because YOU FAILED TO PROTECT THEM!"

"T-tai I--"

"GET OUT, QROW. I never want to see your face again."

Taiyang Xiao Long had never regretted saying something so much in his entire life.

It had been weeks since Qrow had come by to tell him Ruby and Yang were gone... but Tai was still haunted by how devastated Qrow looked as he left.

Tai had been extremely upset... overcome with sorrow and hate... it made sense to lash out. However, that didn't make the guilt any less heavy...

Tai knew none of those words were true. Raven may have left him, but Qrow had proved to be the most loyal friend Tai had ever known. Qrow's snarky attitude was infuriating and he was certainly a bad influence... but when Summer died he went out of his way to help raise Ruby and Yang.

It was evening... Tai sat in the kitchen, bathed in moonlight from an open window...

Qrow was probably all the way in Vacuo now... And as he stared down at the table, Tai finally realized... there went the only family he had left.

Then... Out of the corner of his eye... Tai noticed the dark shadow of a bird come towards him.

Tai: (hopeful) Qrow...?

Tai looked up as he heard the 'pwoof' of a transformation-

Tai: ...oh.

Standing before him was Raven Branwen. His hopefulness immediately faded.

Tai: ......it's you.

Raven: (sarcasm) I missed you too, sweetheart.

Tai: What do you want, Raven?

Raven: I don't want anything... I just thought you might like to know about your daughters.

Tai's face filled with suspicion as he rose a brow.

Tai: ...what are you talking about?

Raven: The girls are still alive, Tai.

Tai went wide-eyed.

What did she just say? Yang and Ruby were alive?!

But wait. This was Raven he was talking to. His expression became jaded as he glared at her.

Tai: ...messing with my emotions is a new low for you.

Raven: I'm not joking, Tai.

Tai was caught off guard again.

Tai: But... where?! And how do you know?!

Raven: My portals, you idiot. I have one for Yang, remember?

Tai: (JUMPING UP from his seat) Take me to them!!

Raven was startled by that-! It took her a few seconds to calm down and remove her hand from her sword hilt.

Raven: I can't.

Tai: Why not?! Your protals can take you literally anywhere on Remnant--

Raven: They AREN'T ON REMNANT, Tai.

Tai took a beat to process that, then glared.

Tai: That's bullshit-!

Raven: (glares back) I'm telling you the truth!

She grabbed her sword, and swiftly opened a portal behind her--

Raven: See for yourself.

Tai ran over and inspected it... the red swirling energy was unstable, wobbling violently. It stung him when he tried to go through it! But... he could hear them... the words were incoherent from the distortion, but those were definitely Yang and Ruby's voices!

Tai: But if they aren't on Remnant... where are they?!

Raven: My guess? ...they're stuck in the same realm where Old Man Oz kept the Relics.

Tai was exhilarated. For the first time in ages he felt hope again. Like there was something he could do to bring his family back-!

Tai: If that's so, then... we should be able to go save them!

Raven: (disgusted look) We...?

Tai: (annoyed) Oh, I'm sorry, I meant *I* can go save them. I keep forgetting you don't care about your own daughter.

Raven: I'm just being realistic.

Tai: So am I! You said you opened the Haven Vault, right? We can just walk in through there!

Raven: And get ourselves lost on in some mysterious realm with who knows what dangers awaiting us?!

Raven: No Tai-- I'm staying here and watching over my tribe, like a rational person.

Tai: (hisses) Fine..! Then I'll find someone else to come with me!

Raven laughed mockingly at him.

Raven: Who? In case you forgot, the entire world is currently being besieged by Salem's forces!

Taiyang grew anxious. All he cared about was seeing his daughters again.

Tai: Huntsmen and huntresses are gathering at Shade, I'm sure I could find someone there who will--

Raven: Someone? You're going to trust your life, the lives of your daughters, to some random huntress?!

Tai: If that's the only choice I have!

Raven: It's not, Tai.

Tai glared at her. She took the hint, continuing-

Raven: There IS a huntsman who would be willing to help you. Someone with experience scouting and searching for people. Someone strong enough to take on even ME in battle... well, when I'm not using my power, anyway~

Tai gave her a look of curious confusion. Raven sighed, frustrated that he wasn't getting the hint yet.

Raven: He's the only other man I know who would be foolish enough to sacrifice the fate of the entire world... for the sake of Ruby and my daughter.

Tai felt a pit start to form in his stomach... He finally realized who she was talking about.

Raven smiled sadistically at his face, and twisted the knife--

Raven: ...and you told him you never wanted to see him again.

Tai swallowed the lump in his throat. With a sigh he looked over at Raven-

Tai: So you were listening in that time?

Raven: It was hard not to hear, when you were yelling so loudly. (smirks) My favorite part was you blaming my dear twin for the death of Summ-

Tai: (cutting her off) OKAY!! I get it! Look- are you going to make me a portal to Qrow, or what?

Raven looks Tai over, admiring his pajamas-

Raven: Aren't you a bit underdressed to be going to Vacuo right now?

Tai: (groans) YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!

Raven chuckled, giving him a terse nod before turning away and walking over to the window.

Raven: ...I'll be back in three days. Be ready.

And with a puff of feathers, she was gone.

...

Afternoon, three days later...

Raven: Tai.

Tai: What?

Tai stopped right as he was about to step through the portal.

Tai had already taken care of everything. Port and Oobleck would help teach his classes at Signal. Some neighbors on Patch would watch over the house and dogsit Zwei. He had all his desert exploration supplies prepared. New haircut, new gear-- the only thing in his way was his ex interrupting him.

Raven looked him square in the eyes for a solid minute.

Raven: ...I am no traitor.

Tai took a few second to process that... then his eyes widened-

Tai: Is that SERIOUSLY the only reason you're helping m--?!

But before he could finish, a gust of wind pushed him through the portal, which then closed behind him!

Tai stumbled out into what appeared to be some sort of sandy-colored diner.

Tai: --me?! ...Ugh.

Tai sighed. He could deal with Raven later.

For now...

...there was someone he wanted to apologize to.

[janaeekook]

Incapable iii. || {myg}

pairing: assassin!yoongi x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: - mafia - depressive thoughts - alcohol

a/n: so sorry this chapter took so long I rewrote it so many times, I hope you enjoy

series masterlist

iii.

The week after Win's death was a blur, it didn't feel real no matter how many times you tried to convince yourself. Convince yourself it wasn't your fault, but it was hard there had been nothing from your new supposed enemy, NCT. It was now 7 o'clock Friday night and you hadn't left your bed, Jungkook had tried his best to cheer you up. You were great full for it, for his kind words of reassurance but even then; Nothing seemed to help, to fill the hole, so you lay there, as your room darkened with the day. You felt gross, dirty, his blood still staining your hands you rolled from your bed forcing yourself to change your clothes— to pretend, at least, that you're alright.

Pretend; You'd guessed you'd done that a lot recently, it became second nature. You didn't want the others to see how truly weak and wounded you were— the emotionally scaring toll that last weeks events had put on you.

Downstairs, Yoongi walked out of the gym, a towel drapped around his neck. The black dri-fit shirt hugged his toned chest and biceps nicely. As he reached the stairs he saw everyone gathered getting ready to go out.

"What's going on?" Yoongi asked with mild confusion.

"We're meeting with SKZ for a trade." Namjoon stated.

"And you didn't think to tell me?" He questioned, everyone's eyes finding another's as they glanced around.

"You're staying and watching y/n." Namjoon stated bluntly before turning to lead the others out the door.

"Why me?" Namjoon stopped and glanced back to Yoongi as the others continued out the door, "Tae's here."

"He's on monitors, suck it up Yoongi, you've delt with worse." Yoongi just rolled his eyes, trudging up the steps, he found your door was cracked open.

His hand raised, ready to knock, but through the crack he saw you. Your bare back facing him as you pulled on an oversized top. He couldn't seem to pull his eyes away from your exposed state no matter how much he wanted to. He watched until you brought your hands to the waistband of your pajama shorts, finally forcing his eyes away not wanting to invade your privacy and see anything more he wasn't meant to.

He could feel his heart pounding insanely in his chest, shaking his head he finally knocked lightly on the wood.

"One minute!" Your voice squeaked in surprise, you quickly pulled on a fresh pair of shorts and hurried to the door. You were surprised to see Yoongi standing at your door, "h-hey, what's up?"

"Uh, Your brother pinned me with watching you." He informed you, his eyes quickly and subtly flicking over your form.

You chuckled, "No need to treat me like a burden."

"Whatever," he looked over you again, only this time you noticed, "What are you doing?"

"I was thinking about watching a movie." You informed him, he pushed past you going deeper into your room, "What are you doing?"

"We're watching a movie aren't we?" You gave him a weird look.

"I guess you can join, I'm going to get water, you want anything?" You asked him, he shook his head as he looked around your room.

You sighed, leaving the room, you stalked down the hall and to the kitchen mindlessly. One might say you were lost in a daze, though in reality it was the sleep deprivation creeping up on you, looming behind your eyes. You hadn't slept beyond three hours the last few nights, not wanting to close your eyes, for fear of the lifeless face of your friend haunting you again.

A chill ran through your body at the thought, grabbing a bottled water from the fridge. You twisted the cap off gulping down a sip in an attempt to swallow the rising lump in your throat. It'd been hard for you to eat, the smell of his blood, thick and irony, it was burned in your nose.

You went back up the steps your footfalls on the polished stone, was all that could be heard. The trance that enraptured your mind however, was quickly broken when you stepped into your bedroom again.

Yoongi was facing you, his features of stone remained stoic but his eyes held amusement. In his hand he held a hot pink object, your face mirroring the shade in embarrassment.

"Tch, frustrated are we?" He joked, pressing the button, a quite vibration emitting from it.

You hurried quickly to him grabbing it and throwing it back in the drawer it belonged, "Min Yoongi you should know better than to go through peoples things." You scolded.

"I can't help my curiosity."

"Just go." You said, the flames in your cheeks never wavering as you pushed him to your door.

"You sure you don't want help?" Yoongi asked as he back up while you pushed him.

"What?!" You asked in horror, stopping to look into his eyes, was he seriously-

"I can hold it for you," his eyes glistened playfully, "While we watch a movie."

You swallowed hard, trying your best to keep your cheeks from blazing any hotter. You quickly and hastily pushed him towards the door.

"You are so crude Min Yoongi." Informing him as you pushed him out into the hall, he gave you a shit eating grin, "I'll be just fine on my own."

The second you shut the door in his face you took in a breath, your heart was pounding in your chest. Thoughts racking through your brain, why had you pushed him out? You like him don't you?

But you guessed it wasn't that simple, your thoughts knew how complicated it would become getting involved with Yoongi. No matter how much your body begged to fall into his tempting grasp you had to restrain. Because the theory of him was what attracted you and so many others, not the cold exterior and troubled heart.

Min Yoongi was complicated, to say the least.

But he was human— the flutter he felt in his chest when you became flustered by merely his words. It confused him not knowing why you filled him with such warmth. But he pushed his thoughts away like any time before.

•

The next afternoon was somber, quiet, as if no one wanted to speak. You were clad in a black dress and flats, the boys in their suits. They all watched you descend the steps for the first time in what felt like ages. You were burying Win today, finally putting his body to rest, a step of 'moving forward and mourning' they'd said though it just broke you more. But you had to pretend, you couldnt let the others see you as weak. You weren't weak.

"You ok?" Your brother asked, and you could only nod to reassure him. For you knew if you tried to speak you would break down, You were greatful he didn't push for a more sufficient answer to the question. 

The car ride was rather short, a feeling of dread lingering in your heart. You looked out the window of the car upon the lawn, stones where so many others loved ones names were carved in their remembrance. You tried desperately not to cry, to let out a sob and let the boys around you know you were breaking-- shattering in fact. It shouldn't have been him it should've been you, you wanted it to be you; to know that your bestfriends death wasn't on your hands. Maybe it was selfish, but the aching in your heart was begging for the roles to be reversed.

"-Y/n?" You hadn't even realized Jungkook had opened the door for you, his voice bringing you back to reality. Aware again, that you in fact were the one with breath in your lungs. You didn't say anything just stepped out of the car, and followed the others to the site. It was beautiful, a top a grassy hill that looked out over a large expanse of trees, You knew he would've loved it. 

Everyone stood around the grave where the casket was to be lowered. No one spoke, not a word, just stood and looked at the sleek wood that encased Win, or his body rather. The man that stood next to it a bible on hand began to speak, and your eyes drifted to the grey stone.

Kim Seung-Win

April 23rd 1993-March 13th 2020

'The journey doesn't end here;'

"Today, we're here to put a friend to rest, to send his soul home-" The reverend started, but you zoned out, eyes locked on the grass at your feet. You felt numb, How could this be real? Win was supposed to survive to live and be loved, and have an impact everyone he met. Silent tears fell from your eyes, due to both frustration and sorrow. Namjoon noticed from where he stood next to you and pulled you into a hug, holding your head to his chest as your tears soaked his jacket.

"I invite you all forward to put a handful of dirt over casket, you may take this time to say any final words." You let go of Namjoon wiping your cheeks with your hands.

We all moved in a line grabbing a handful of the dirt and taking turns circling to the grave, doing our part. Some taking longer than others to say things aloud or in their heads, everyone who he worked with were left with a positive imprint in their lives due to him. When it was your turn, You looked down to the dirt in your hand before holding your hand over the grave and letting it trickle from your grasp.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, fresh tears brimming your eyes. You turned back to the others, standing next to Yoongi as you watched everyone else. You felt Yoongi's hand brush yours experimentally, before he finally laced your fingers with his. You looked to your hand in his then to his face his eyes those of sympathy and support. Though affection wasn't his strong suit, he wanted you to know he was there. You gave him a weak smile in return

"I give the words said here today, to Seungwin, in hopes they will help his soul move forward. Friends, Death seems cold and dark but it is not extinguishing the light of life. It is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come, and Seungwin lived fully to his dawn."

The final words resonated with you, stuck to your heart. He lived a full life, it may have seemed to be cut short but he was everything anyone could have wished to be. He was great, It should've been me. Your mind invaded with the negative thoughts again a shaky sigh passing your lips as you willed yourself not to cry again, watching the grave workers put the remaining dirt in the grave. The others had started to walk back to the car.

"Y/n, come on." Your brother beckoned quietly, but you shook your head.

"Not yet."

"I'll stay with her." Yoongi's voice sounded from somewhere behind you, You couldn't see it but Namjoon nodded before pressing a feather light kiss to your temple. He was worried, you could feel it radiating off of him, he already had a lot on his plate, the last thing he needed was an emotionally unstable sister.

"Stop blaming yourself," Jen, you went to speak but she waved her hand, "I know you, Y/n, and I know that look." 

You looked around finding Yoongi sitting on a bench a few feet away. You turned your attention back to Jen, and you felt the urge to cry again.

"I'm sorry, Jen." Your lip quivered, and tears began to stain your cheeks again.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." With that she reached into the bag that was on her shoulder pulling out a bottle of liquor, "You can only have some if you promise not to cry." You wiped your cheeks quickly.

"I solemly swear!"  

•

You hiccupped lightly as you sat on the grass next to Win's freshly made grave, Jen was fully laying down and the empty bottle of alcohol was between the two of you. Chuckling as you thought back to your 20th birthday when Win mixed you all his favorite drinks, you were so hung over the next morning.

"Do you remember my 20th birthday?" 

"When you threw up on Win after he got you shit faced? How could I forget?" Jen slurred her words.

"Or when he flipped the table because he was losing in monopoly." You brought up the game nights you'd all have when you were younger.

"Alright you two lets get back home." Yoongi said going to help you up, the sun was setting and he wanted to at least get to the car before it was dark. He helped Jen up next and then guided the two light weight girls to the car.

The whole car ride home Yoongi listened to you and Jen reminisce over your memories of Win. Though even drunk your voice sounded weak and broken as you talked over the good times and Yoongi took notice, him being the only sober one in the car. The wall you'd been keeping up to hide your emotions was crumbling away now that you were drunk, vulnerable.

When Yoongi pulled up Jeonghan was waiting at the doors, ready to take Jen to her room. Jeonghan chuckled lightly as Yoongi told him what happened, before ultimately thanking him for bringing them both home safe. When Jen and Jeonghan walked away Yoongi turned back around to find you sitting down on the gravel drive way.

"Whatcha' doing?" Yoongi asked with a hint of amusement in his tone, though it made a deep pout form on your lips.

"I can’t walk."

"Why not?"

"I'm sad." Your voice broke.

"Ok, You think you can get on my back?" Yoongi asked quietly, you nodded, and so he carried you. 

"I miss him." You whispered, which happened to be right in his ear,

"I know."

When he reached your room he set you down on the bed, then going to slip your shoes off your feet. When he looked back to your face though, he saw a tear fall from your eye.

"Its all my fault." You spoke suddenly taking him off guard.

"Hm?"

"Win is dead because of me." You chocked out, "I-I should have saved him." Silent sobs now shook your small frame.

"Y/n, None of what happened was your fault, there was no way to know."

"He blames me- It sh-should've been m-me" You managed to get out as more sobs fell past your lips. You couldn't control it anymore nor hold it in, something and Yoongi's chest ached with each strangled sob you tried to keep quiet in your throat. He picked you up lightly to make room for himself on your bed and he pulled you close to his chest.

"Shhh, No one blames you, Y/n. We cant go back, we can't change what happened, its destined to fate. You don't need to blame yourself anymore."

Not another word was spoke that night, Yoongi held you as you cried yourself into a deep sleep. He stroked your head, as your breathing became less labored with your sobs. His heart ached part of him hated to think that you felt all alone, and made him want to hold you tighter. But the other part wondered, since when did he care?

Taglist;

@agustdiv1ne , @hwaddict , @ahgasearmyfan , @gee-nee , @janeelizabeth1216 , @elliegrace1999tvd , @sunnynxy , @boba-king-iroh , @deathkat657

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Wake up' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Wake up"

"I'm afraid, just....afraid."

Chapter Summary : The mission at the Mount Yamantau was an trap made by Hudson and unfortunately, Yirina & Park, without any support, were captured by Freya, Knight & Sonya Kuzmin. Awakening is going to be hard.....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3400

------------------------------------------------------------------

This was only an trap, the mission was an whole setup made by Hudson to get us caught, that bastard.....he gave us away to Perseus. That's why he never wanted anyone to join the mission with us, he didn't even allowed us to have any radio support and limiting our equipment. He forced the two only non-CIA members to go through an mission that was revealed to be an big trap to get rid of us. Maybe it was an way to...maybe found Adler thanks to us but I couldn't believe that at any second at the moment Sonya talked about the 'CIA guy'....

Unfortunately, we couldn't oppose any forms of resistance against Freya, Knight and Sonya Kuzmin, they were awaiting for us while we had our backs turned and nothing was going to stop them to take us away before neutralizing us by making us sleep with syringues. We were hopeless as we were dragged away by Knight himself at the same time and the last vision I got before my eyes went shut was to see Park unconscious, unable to do an thing....we were captured and no one was going to rescue us....

When I thought to open my eyes back in the real world, I found myself back into the same bed of my apartment in Moscow, slowly opening my eyes and discovering that someone was having their hands around me at my chest level, it was Freya herself. Again, it was following my discussion I had with her when Perseus came in minutes before she arrived. I was still feeling disturbed to have her in my bed but my mood wasn't ready to get angry.

I didn't bring up any smile as I got up from the bed, removing Freya's arms around me before moving to get to my dresser to grab some new clothes for me, taking the ones I was using back on the ground and then start dressing in those better clothes for me, the others feeling used for days, it seems. All of that by looking myself on an mirror while watching Freya slowly awakening up.

"Finally awake." I said to her, looking at her through the mirror after I stopped myself to putting on my pants before continuing in my moves.

"Yiri, you had an good sleep ?" She asked me, sounding like she already forgot our argument last day.

"No, why I should have one ?" I asked her back, turning my head around to directly look at her in the eyes. "Like usual, nightmares & fears in me, nothing else." I added, checking myself in the mirror, my voice all normal.

"Again ?" She whispered, slowly moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Again." I repeated, very sure of my words as I grabbed the shirt that was put on the dresser.

"You don't have to put yourself like that." She exclaimed, going up to approach me but not too close. "You have me." She wanted to affirm but I wasn't believing an word of it.

"Really ?" I raised an eyebrow to her through the mirror, looking more curious than ever. "I have my rights to be like that." I stated, putting the buttons of my shirt. "If I said that I'm feeling bad, I'm bad, that's it !" I continued before turning around to look at Freya whose eyes was away from me.

"You still want to defect, right ?" She demanded as her eyes went back on me.

"Of course and you can't stop me." I affirmed clearly before I start to move out of the bedroom to get to the living room and the kitchen. "I'm leaving with Zasha & Portnova." I told her, knowing she was following me through my apartment.

"I can't change your mind." She expressed, leaning herself against the door frame of the kitchen as I was preparing my cup of coffee.

"No, you've been trying to stop me in various ways : been kind, offering to take care of me in an way." I snorted, passing my hand below my nose, I was like feeling sad in the inside but I couldn't show it. "Maybe I liked it....too much to be honest." I admitted before putting my hands on the counter.

"It wasn't an way to make you change your mind, Yirina." Freya claimed in an clear voice. "I'm doing this because you're sad, not because you want to defect."

"Seriously, do you think I'm going to buy this lie ?" I questioned her, raising my voice as I turned my back to face her, my hands. "When I told you the first time about it, you were strongly against it, don't make me think that you changed your mind."

"Yes but I realized things weren't exactly what I supposed to be."  She proclaimed but in me, I could feel an lie in those words even if she was maybe telling the truth.

"Yeah, me too." I sniffed, taking in my hand my own cup of coffee as I walked next to her to get to the living room. "Coffee's ready for you, take it yourself." I told her.

"Yirina..." I heard her voice very low in the kitchen.

"What ?" I stopped myself to look at her as I was nearly going to sit down on my couch. "An lot of things aren't right." I said before actually sitting down but I was like not even urging to take an sip of my coffee, putting the cup on the small table in front of the couch. "There's something I didn't really told you."

"And what is it ?" She asked me, worried and coming in the living room with her cup of coffee.

"Before the two of us became something real, I was in love with someone else." I responded to her, moving slowly towards me, wanting to get sit next to me. "I was loving Zasha." I added, making her eyes goes wide as she got sit.

"Seriously ?" She whispered, stunned to hear that...

"We never really wanted to talk about it to the others." I looked away from her even if it wasn't obliged from me to do that. "Well...we did been together but...it was only for an month and it was one year after we met." I continued.

"Why you two didn't continue ?" Freya asked me, looking curious.

"We both realize that it wasn't really going to work together and we decided to broke up." I bit my lips as my eyes were on an picture of me with Zasha & Dedov. "At the same time, we preferred to not talk about this to anyone, staying best friends and that's it."

"I never thought that from you." Freya was sounding more astonished to my revelations to her....I did really been with Zasha in the past and I never knew of it....

"Zasha is an great friend, I swore to protect them at the moment I realized about who they were." I stated, revealing more about them. "That's why, me, them & Portnova are leaving to the West." I added, looking directly to Freya herself, knowing that she would not come with us. "And I'm sure that you will not do this with us, you're too loyal." I exclaimed and my words make her look away in shame.

"That was not the life I wanted to live." She said silently, her voice feeling broken.

"Yeah but we did lived it and followed it without asking ourselves why we are doing this." I sniffed away before my eye start to be filled with tears. "I never wanted this life but blindly, I didn't ask myself...until now." I snorted, cleaning up the few tears on my face as Freya looked back at me.

"You're crying ?" She demanded obviously.

"No, it's just some feelings." I replied, even knowing that it wasn't true at all before I looked fully at her. "I'm afraid, Freya." I told her in an broken voice, my hands on my lap, not even trying to stop the tears, it was useless.

"Why are you afraid ?" She started to move slowly, to put her hands on my face to stop the tears from my eyes.

"I'm afraid, just....afraid." I admitted before she moved her arms around me like if she never wanted to let me go away.

"Don't be afraid, you're here now." She muttered as her head was now against my right shoulder. "You know that I'm going to bring you home." She added as suddenly, all the surrounding went to black and that she was now facing me while I was forced to be on my knees....that wasn't an memory anymore, I'm freaking out...

"It's time for you to wake up, Yirina ! WAKE UP !"

Her shouting was like an distant cry in my head as my mind was slowly waking up from that memory, making me discover that me & Zasha were together for an short time and I was wondering an lot of things about that period but these thinkings started to fade away for the moment as my eyes were opening and right now, I was feeling to be on an sort of bed, facing an concrete wall.

Panic went through me when I start to get up to face the other direction : I was in an cell without an single window giving to the outside and I was alone....all alone, not even Park was there. I was like trapped in here with nowhere to get out of here with an big metal door avoiding me to leave that room.My clothes...I was no longer wearing an jacket, just an simple shirt and still got my pants on. As I was panicking, my eyes fell on an small radio that was just near the door. .

"...as it seems that yesterday big explosion in the Ural mountains did put tensions between the East & the West, the world is on an risky verge...." It was the voice of an russian guy talking but looking at the radio, it didn't seem to be able to have everything audible for me....an day has passed since we were captured....

"Where I am ?" I whispered to myself, looking around before walking slowly towards the radio to shut it off, my ears hurting only by listening to that radio. "Shit...what happened ?" I asked to myself before I heard some noises through the metal door, meaning that someone was coming in. I walked back to the bed to sit on it as the door was getting opened.

"Ah, you're awake." I wasn't watching at who was coming in but I could recognize an male voice....Stitch himself.

"You." I slowly looked at him with concerned eyes. "What did you do to Park ?" I asked him in an serious voice, clenching my fists.

"Oh, you don't want to do that if I was you." He exclaimed, having seen my fists getting clenched. "We have eyes on you all day." He pointed at an corner of the cell, making me discover an security camera. "One bad move from you and you're done even if we know who you are."

"You didn't answer my question here." I make myself clear to him. "Where....is...Park ?" I repeated again as he start to slowly face me.

"You're not the one asking questions here but if you insist..." He stopped himself to kneel at the same level of my head. "She's currently in another cell, still sleeping but I think that you should stop worrying about her now."

"Why I would be ?" I raised an eyebrow to him, sounding angry.

"Because she's your enemy, like she always has been." He replied, sure in his words, trying to flip me out back on his side but that wasn't working.

"Bullshit, you know nothing." I stated, giving an deadly glare to him through his mask and hood. "You just trying to make me think that I'm one of yours but that's stupid." I scoffed around as I realized that playing Belll is going to be necessary until I escape from that place...I don't even know where we are....

"Bell." He started before taking an deep breath. "Or whatever they called you, you didn't think any second that there's something wrong ?" He demanded.

"In fact, I wonder why...." I stopped myself, looking at the security camera, fainting to acknowledge his words. "An son of an bitch called Stitch is trying to make me change allegiances." I joked but his only reaction was to put his left hand around my neck by force.

"Listen to me !" He raised his voice as two armed guards entered the room in case. "Your attitude isn't helping us at all and we're trying to help you." He added, making me look in his only eye.

"I never thought that Adler did really messed you up, you're looking like an idiot !" I literally laughed, fully entering my act of been 'Bell'...painful but necessary. "How is he by the way ? Pushing you out ?" I continued.

"Always been like that or Adler decided to put some of his behavior in you ?" Stitch asked me rhetorically. "Right now, I'm making sure that he will suffer enough like I did."

"You didn't take well what happened in 1968 to say." I told him straight as I was still threatened by his left hand before he reinforced his grasp on it.

"He make me an fool to my country and I will make sure to do the same for him." He claimed before he took out an knife from his vest and now, I was fearing the worst in me. "I know that it's going to be...unorthodox but I maybe know an way to make you remember of things."  He then move slowly the knife towards my left arm.

"Aaaahh !" I screamed loudly in pain when he literally planted his knife inside my left arm....I broke his arm...he's going to broke mine.....

"How do that feel, uh ?" He asked me in an raised voice.

"Stitch !" I was able to hear an female voice behind him before he released me from him, discovering Freya who was standing between the two guards and she direclly make signs to them to leave. "What are you doing ?" She demanded.

"Make her remember of her life, isn't so hard to see ?" He responded, not even ashamed by what he has done as I was holding my wound, almost crying on the bed.

"You wounded her by planting your knife in her arm ?" She said, walking to get next to me, worried. "Are you sick or something because I told you to not harm her." She added, taking my left arm to check it.

"It's one of the many things we're going to try, don't need to worry about that." He exclaimed, pulling his knife back.

"Wound's not so deep but it's better that we heal it quickly." Freya told, ignoring his words totally before she looked at my face, crying. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She repeated again as she got up to face Stitch. "We're not harming her or even Park, you know well that they are useful to us."

"Maybe but I don't want to lose time with peacefuls ideas, the two are diverting resources from Adler."  Stitch expressed as the two were looking at me. "It isn't the best solution to bring her back but we have to do everything."

"You'll never get us." I whispered, feeling the pain in my voice and my arm.

"We'll see." Stitch breathed, looking back at Freya. "Tell Sonya to heal her, we'll start the first tests tomorrow."

"And what about Park ?" Freya questioned him before he looked at me.

"Firstly, we are focused on her and then, we are going to see how we can deal with her, it will be hard but an great improvement." He responded, slowly walking away from me to get out of my cell before the door closed behind them, leaving me alone.

Now, I was wounded, having an knife cut in my left arm because Stitch wanted me to remember of my old past and it could have gone very badly if Freya wasn't here to save me from him but even with that, I was all alone in that cell, Park in another cell. I decided to sit back on the edge of the bed, my right hand above my wound and seeing the blood getting out of it and also on my hand. 5 minutes passed until the door was getting opened and I could see Sonya Kuzmin themselves with an medikit in their hands.

"I'm really going to play the doctor here." They whispered to themselves at the sight of me before getting inside the room, the door closing behind them. "I hope that you're not fragile." They added in an lazy voice.

"Just get it done, okay ?" I told them clearly, directly showcasing my arm by removing my right hand from it.

"At your orders." They sighed, rolling their eyes around before they moved to get next to me, putting their medikit on the ground and taking out everything necessary to heal me. "Looks like my brother didn't almost go easy on you." They said, looking at the wound.

"Is he always like that with everyone ?" I asked them.

"Are you the one asking the questions here ?" They asked me back, remembering when I interrogated her weeks ago in West-Berlin, must be it. "No, I'm in charge here now and don't move too much."

"I just want to know." I expressed, sounding low.

"Fuck off." They cursed even if their voice wasn't really meaning it before they start to apply some wound disinfectant on the cut, causing me to moan an little. "Don't be afraid, it's just something to disinfect your cut." They exclaimed in an lazy voice.

"What do you want me to do ? Laugh ?" I taunted them, causing them to grin an little as they were finishing to apply the disinfectant.

"You didn't lose your sense of humor, it seems." They raised an eyebrow to me before taking the bandages in their hands. "He's always been like that if you want to know." They said, responding to my first question.

"I thought you didn't want to tell me." I was sounding an bit stunned to be honest.

"I changed my mind." They sniffed, looking at me with an smile even if that situation I'm in isn't smiling. "So, tell me, how's things since last time ?" They demanded to me.

"Are we really having an simple discussion even with this situation ?" I raised an eyebrow to them before realizing that they were really meaning it. "Well...uhm...tracking Perseus down isn't an easy task." I decided to reply like that.

"And yet, here you are." They scoffed, wrapping the bandages around my arm. "I've been thinking about why you asked me those questions when you interrogated me."

"About Wraith ?" They nodded to my question. "It was by curiosity, we heard your conversation before the CIA decided to kidnap you."

"Okay but why is she saying that you were more than sisters before ?" They asked me. "Can you tell me ?"

"I don't know but she's claiming to know me since an long time and I don't believe her to be true." I answered, successfully lying to them. "That started when I first met her in West-Berlin." I added as Sonya was focused on wrapping the rest of the bandages around my arm. "Since, she's trying to convince me that I'm not what I am."

"I don't know what she got but she's not the same since she saw you that day." They told me in an serious low voice. "Everyone here said that you were important before and still today."

"I heard that since some times, I don't know what is special with me." I expressed, faking to not understand why me...was important to Perseus. "What will you do if you were like that ?" I wondered about it as they were finished to heal and my question did put some troubles on their face.

"Uhm...I don't know what I will do." They responded, troubled in their voice before pulling back what they got in hands in the medikit to close it. "Well, you got healed up by me and you're looking fine for the moment."

"What will they do to me ?" They raised their shoulders to me.

"I don't know, they didn't explain the details but it will surely something painful." They replied, slowly getting up on their feets. "It's must be strange for you but...I kinda feel that you're more friendly than I thought."

"Is that an compliment ?" I raised an eyebrow with an little grin to them.

"Fuck off." They smiled at me before stopping themselves right in front of the door to look at me with an grin on their face. "Take it as you want but maybe." They continued before they finally decided to leave the room, leaving me alone on my bed alone, like an prisoner....

"It's like the beginning of hell for us...will I hold on ?"

[firstumcschenectady]

“Every. Single. Time.” based on Exodus 16:2-4, 9-15

As far as I can tell, the stories of the wandering in the desert are stories of the people learning dependence on God. Many of the stories of Exodus repeat the narrative “(1) Something was wrong, the people were worried. (2) The people complained. (3) God provided.” Since deserts aren't super hospitable to life, they make sense as places people can learn their dependence. The writer of Deuteronomy ends up worrying that once the people enter the “land of milk and honey” they'll forget that they are dependent on God. In the early centuries of Christianity the “Desert Fathers and Mothers” returned to the desert to seek connection with the Divine, and learn again the lessons of dependence.

Historically, there are some reasons to question the overarching narrative of the 40 year wandering in the desert. It may be MORE true that some of the proto-Israelites were desert nomads for a prolonged time in their history, and some of the proto-Israelites were slaves who had escaped from Egypt, and some of the proto-Israelites were Canaanites who decide to follow YHWH when the nomads and former slaves told their stories about YHWH. I rather like this idea, because it is pretty easy to see how nomadic hunter-gatherers in a harsh desert climate would definitely experience the gift of life as a gift from God. And, that their descendants who lived a more settled and fertile existence could relatively quickly change their minds about how lucky they are to be simply alive.

I rather like how these stories begin. The people are frightened for their lives. There is a lack of FOOD or WATER, and those are seriously dangerous lacks. The stories present frightened people as appropriately and realistically negative. They grumble. They mumble. They complain. They romanticize their former lives. In this case, they say, “If only we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the fleshpots and ate our fill of bread; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger." And, I'll admit, I feel for Moses and Aaron. That ISN'T FAIR. It isn't even TRUE. But, I also feel for the people, because when humans are frightened for their lives, they really can't be held accountable for being “unfair” much less have reasonable perspective.

In these Exodus stories, every single time, God intervenes and provides. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Sometimes Moses and Aaron get annoyed, sometimes God gets annoyed, sometimes as a reader it gets annoying that they don't learn how to trust faster, but God provides EVERY SINGLE TIME.

And I have some feelings about that, because in our world today there is both an abundance of food and an abundance of hunger. Based on both the stories of our faith and the miraculous food producing capacity of the earth, I'm pretty sure that the story is STILL that God provides. But... human beings get in the way. We hoard (the US government is one of the worst), we promote “competition” for who gets to eat, we blame the hungry for being hungry, and we permit wealth to rise to the top no matter the cost to the bottom.

God provides.

Humans intercept.

The challenge is not scarcity – there is enough. There is MORE than enough. The problem is distribution . That is, the problem is acting out the belief that all people are worthy of surviving and thriving, as beloveds of God.

Around here, we try to do our part to change that story. We promote the humanity and belovedness of all people. We have a free breakfast, and we give people extra food to help them make it through the week. We advocate for policies to alleviate hunger everywhere in the world. We donate to SICM and help with summer lunches. We educate ourselves about food distribution, and work with “Bread for the World.” Our tithes and offerings promote justice and compassion programs around the world, and our extra gifts to UMCOR just add on to it.

But, it is a big problem and there is lot of work to be done to BOTH feed all of God's people AND change policies so we don't allow anyone to be hungry.

Some of the reason I said all that is because it is true. Another reason is because I'm about to take this story metaphorically, and I could not do so in good faith until I also took the literal meaning of hungry people seriously as well. Especially now when A LOT more people are hungry world wide then were before the pandemic.

When I first considered this passage, my attention was drawn to that complaining and yearning for Egypt. It seemed worth talking about our yearning for what used to be, and how the yearning can erase the realities of the past – things like slavery for example. Much of what I hear, and a good portion of what I experience these days is a yearning for pre-pandemic times. Recently, after I'd shared a bit about how odd it was to give birth during a pandemic and how unexpected parenting a baby during a pandemic has been, a perspective person said, “Well, and you got pregnant before the pandemic, you didn't sign up for any of this.”

I sighed with relief, like you do when someone really understands. Also, I think that applies to all of us a little bit. The things we were thinking about, planning, and even worrying about 2 years ago all changed on us in early 2020. And we didn't sign up for this! The stressors and conflicts we live now we wouldn't have been able to dream 2 years ago. And we didn't sign up for this.

2 years ago wasn't great. It really wasn't. There were serious injustices happening, and the things we were worried about were real. Comparatively though, I see why we want to go back. I can even see why the people grumbling in the desert would have wanted to go back. With death looming, anything else looks better. But Egypt wasn't their future, it was their past. And we aren't going back to pre-pandemic times either.

The wandering in the desert, as the story says, was important for forming the people, forming their faith, teaching them their dependence on God. It got them ready for the Promised Land, but it was so hard and so terrifying, there were a lot of times they thought going back was worth it. Without knowing what the Promised Land would be like, or when they would get there, the only things they knew were the terrifying lack of resources of the desert and the utter oppression of slavery.

For most of us, our pre-pandemic times weren't THAT bad, but I hear people saying now, “Having had a break from it all, I don't want to live like that anymore.” We're different. We've been formed by this time in the desert. We're still being formed by this time in the desert. I'm not sure when the Promised Land is coming.

As much as the desire to go back to Egypt caught my initial attention, I couldn't help but notice that it is only the beginning of this story. This isn't the story of landing in the Promised Land. This is a story of having God provide. This is a story of there being BREAD on the ground in the desert that would sustain the people AND quails flying overhead for protein, and both of them being gifts of life from the God of life. (In the desert, where other people didn't interfere with God's gifts.)

This is the story where God says, “'At twilight you shall eat meat, and in the morning you shall have your fill of bread; then you shall know that I am the LORD your God.'" And then when it happened, and the bread showed up, the people said, “What is it??????”

And this is where I think God is leading me today.

We're in the desert, dear ones. Whatever our roles and circumstances were in Egypt, it is far behind. Whatever our roles and circumstances will be in the Promised Land, we aren't there yet. We are DEEP in the desert, learning our dependence on God. And that means that God is giving us gifts that we desperately need to survive.

And most likely we're responding along the lines of “Huh?” or “What is THAT?” Or “I'm not sure I want that.” Maybe more than anything we're thinking, “I'd rather have bread from Pereccas, or Gershons, or Friehofers.” These gift that God is giving, we might not even recognize them. We might not want them. We might be a little horrified.

Today's story ends with Moses telling the confused and hungry people, “It is the bread that YHWH has given to you to eat.”

What is the bread that God is giving to you to eat right now? How are you feeling about it?

Holy One, help us see what you are giving us, and help us receive nourishment from what you offer. We are tired, weary, weak, and frightened people. Your nourishment is what we need to go on, and we know that this desert wandering is not your final plan for us. Amen

August 1, 2021

Rev. Sara E. Baron 

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady 

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305 

Pronouns: she/her/hers 

http://fumcschenectady.org/ 

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

[lifeisdabubbles-undersalmondean]

La Pomme ~ Chapter 14

Pairing: Sam x OC (eventual Dean x OC and Dean x Castiel. And I mean eventual.)

Series summary: George is a casual French-Mistake-universe Supernatural fan living in no-COVID 2020, who's life is upended when she's suddenly launched between realities, two years into the boys' past (S13E22). What begins as an insane, immersive fan experience turns into more when Jack goes missing and George offers up her AU information to help track him down. Soon it's discovered that she and Sam may actually have history. But that's impossible, right?

Word Count: 5,800

Warnings: {smut, fluff, angst, show level violence, swearing, mentions of suicide} ***Detailed warnings will be tagged for specific chapters.

A/N: Following the events of my prequel Paradise and second story From My Eyes Off. Reading those first gives context but isn’t necessary to start this one.

As annoyed as she'd been about Cas leaving against her better judgement, it felt good to be back on the road again. What she'd done yesterday, running away and searching for her family, had felt simultaneously necessary and awful the entire time she was doing it; like her nerves were sliding up against a cheese grater the wrong way. Worse than her standard feelings of unease. Being back in the car with Sam and Dean, finally headed once again toward Jack on their rescue mission, gave her a sense of peace and a strange kind of pain relief from the prior day's grating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now a threesome, Sam, Dean, and George had set sail again on their mission to find Jack. Everyone in the car--including George, surprisingly--seemed comfortable with Dean's music filling the silence for the first few hours.

That being said, at the moment there was a throng of angry butterflies swooping through her abdomen. Cas and Sam had said they trusted her, by which she was flattered, but she felt immeasurably guilty. Should they trust her? Sure, she knew she was leading them the right way to find Jack, but was she supposed to be leading them at all? For all she knew, she had disrupted their destined timeline and was causing all kinds of unknowable consequences that would come back to bite them all in the ass eventually. She was starting to wonder whether her intentions were purely altruistic or if she was really just being selfish.

They had a short way left to go when they stopped for a quick, light gas station lunch and Dean decided to get some shut eye. He denied it, but Sam was almost positive he needed to sleep off all the crap he'd been consuming. When they got back in the car, Dean laid down in the back, Sam drove, and George sat in the passenger's seat.

It was her first time in the passenger's seat of Baby and she was strangely giddy about it. Her eyes roamed over every inch of the infamous car, taking in the surreal experience. Sam's arm adjusting on the steering wheel caught her attention and her head snapped sideways to look at him. A memory of a dream she'd had years ago filled her sight and the Sam sitting next to her was 10 years younger, with shorter hair and a baby face, but he had the same expression on it. It was a strange kind of worried uncertainty, like he was trying to figure out a riddle he already knew the answer to.

The vision felt so real and before she could stop herself she blurted, "Sam?"

He turned to look at her quickly and in a blink he was back to the older, bearded version she was used to. She could tell she had startled him out of his thoughts. Quickly she covered, "Uh, can I ask you something?" He nodded with a quiet noise of permission and she asked, "What you and Cas said earlier… about 'trusting' me? Uh… were you serious about that?"

"Yeah?" He wondered why she seemed so stupefied.

"Well," George had to take a moment to figure out how to articulately ask her question, "Why? I mean what makes you believe you should?" The look on Sam's face made her chuckle, letting out a nervous breath she'd been holding; she quickly clarified, "Don't get me wrong, you definitely should trust me and I'm honored, truly. But, I'm a mysterious woman who showed up in the bunker one day with no provable explanation and now is claiming to have inside information about the location of your missing adult-son-angel-human? I should be a walking red flag to a Winchester. Like, at least as a safety precaution, you shouldn't trust me until you know me, right?"

"I know you--er, enough," Came falling out before he could stop himself. Quickly he stumbled to add, "I mean, I feel like I know you enough to know you aren't lying to me…? Anymore, I mean," He added upon remembering she'd lied about her origins when they first met. He didn't think that counted, exactly; he would have done the same thing in her situation.

"But… why? What makes you feel that way?" George pressed. She still didn't understand. What made him so quick to trust her?

Sam was quiet for a while, turning a pale shade of green, before answering, "Same reason I was able to find you at the hotel, I guess?" He glanced at her with a serious expression and could tell by her gulp that she knew exactly what he was talking about. The pull; she felt it too. He exhaled deeply and reminded her, "Good instincts?"

Staring at him curiously, she imitated him, "Yea… that must be it."

The air around them felt strangely electrified as they both sat in silence. They were each fighting their own internal struggles about what it all meant. She wanted to ask him what he meant, ask him what this feeling was and if he was feeling the same thing. He wanted to know what she knew about his dream. As Dean let out a sharp snore, they both debated whether it was the right time or place.

"Do you trust me?" He asked her suddenly and it surprised her.

"Uhhhh, yea? I mean…" She paused, seriously considering it for the first time, then nodded definitively, "Yes."

"Why?" He pressed with a smile.

Understanding his point, she rolled her eyes, "That's--"

Cutting her off, Sam admitted with a smile, "OK, maybe it's a little different, but… you trust me because I remind you of someone who you know to be trustworthy, right?" She nodded slowly and he shrugged, "It's kind of the same thing for me."

George's eyebrows furrowed at him, starting to get concerned that she already did understand what he meant. Still, she asked, "Oh-kay, but... the person you remind me of is Sam Winchester… and you just so happen to be Sam Winchester, soooo-"

"OK, I don't know exactly how to explain it without sounding crazy, but I feel a connection to you," He finally admitted. Each word scratched and clawed resistantly on their way out of his mouth while he squirmed in his seat.

"A connection? To me?" She was surprised. And not. He affirmed with a quick nod and she began to fidget nervously. What did he mean? Did she already know? Is it what she's been feeling, too? He couldn't possibly feel the same connection she felt, surely; what she felt was easily explainable by her having been a fan of the show. But then what 'connection' was he talking about?

Trying to gather her thoughts she blurted, "Why?"

Sam gripped the steering wheel tightly and admitted, "OK, uh, about ten years ago I had this... dream." His eyes were glued to the road, so he didn't notice George suddenly stiffen tightly, whipping around to look at him. She instantly remembered her memory flash from earlier and a strange tingling sensation in her gut told her she knew exactly what dream Sam was referring to. She knew this feeling had nothing to do with the show.

Of course she'd had lots of dreams about him, and countless other fictional or otherwise unobtainable people before, but the dream that sprang to mind had been… different. It had saved her life.

"A dream?" she croaked, sweat forming on her cool skin. Was it her or was it suddenly sweltering in the car? She was desperate to take off her hoodie, but felt like this was the wrong time to be stripping.

"It was right after Dean had died--and, at the time, I thought he was gone for good. I was trying to fix it but it was taking a long time. Things got pretty dark. And then one night I…" He hesitated for a moment and then said quickly, "I had a dream. In it I met a woman in a bar and she… well, she was trustworthy. She helped me... find the light again," He finished vaguely with a wistful, if slightly embarrassed smile.

George felt as though the world around her were still moving but everything about her was in suspended animation; her body, her thoughts, her functions, like someone hit pause on her.

The night she'd had The Dream™, she'd been left at the altar by her would-be-high school sweetheart, who ran off with her best friend, the maid of honor. The heartache had felt unbearable and she happened to have had access to some serious pain pills. In her grief, she assumed they, coupled with a few bottles of tequila, would be enough to end her pain. But instead she'd had an indescribably intense dream about a man who made her feel ridiculous about throwing her life away over a dipwad like Greg. And--purely coincidentally, she'd always assumed--the man from her dream had been Sam Winchester.

While her dream had been incredibly significant to her, it's not something she'd even thought about until this moment. Why would she? It was just her pill and booze induced dream haze, randomly manifesting a hot, loving, perfect person to help her see that life was worth living. Of course, she had always known it wasn't real, that she hadn't actually dreamt about the real Sam Winchester.

Obviously, that's ridiculous! Because, he's not re- She paused her thoughts when the man in question's anxious throat clearing snapped her back to the moment. Blinking finally, she looked at him closely and noticed that he was avoiding looking at her. He was white as a sheet and his jaw was clenched so tight, she felt sympathy pain in her teeth. A burning sensation in her lungs reminded her that she couldn't remember when she'd last breathed in.

With a quick, deliberate inhale she asked, "And I... remind you of this woman?"

The serious tone of her voice made Sam finally turn to look at her. Her expression told him his instincts were right but he couldn't believe it. The two of them stared at each other in shock for longer than was safe to be driving. Neither knew what to say.

The car swerved slightly when Sam was startled by a loud, screeching 80s guitar solo suddenly emanating from the backseat.

"Jesus!" George yelped, jumping out of her skin.

Dean rolled over and sat up with a grumble, "Close. Jimi Hendrix." He held his noisy phone up and dismissed the alarm, "Did I miss any stimulating conversation?" Sam and George both looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes before simultaneously mumbling vague denials. Dean was attune to their odd behavior but when he noticed a road sign for The Trees of Enigma, he opted to ask instead, "Where are we?"

"Oh, uh--'bout 20 miles from False Klamath. What's the plan?" Sam instantly switched to work mode when he realized they were getting close.

Dean raised an annoyed eyebrow, "Are we already that close? Didn't we talk about stopping at the last town for a motel first?"

"Er--uh, oh--right," Sam groaned and his eyes rolled back into his head in embarrassment. He was furious with himself; Dean had mentioned that plan at their last stop but Sam hadn't exactly been giving his brother his full attention.

"What?" George asked curiously. "When was this conversation?"

"At the gas station," Dean said matter of factly, watching as she narrowed her eyes at him. "It was just before we left. I wasn't hiding it from you; I mentioned it when you were walking back to the car. Remember, you got distracted trying to fish out that M&M that went down your top," He chuckled in amusement, looking to share the joke with Sam but finding him looking oddly guilty instead.

"Oh, yeah," She responded slowly. Looking down and pulling her top away from her chest, she muttered, "Did I ever get that out?" Dean snorted and then watched Sam glance over as she hooked a finger down her top to go fishing again, realizing why his brother had missed the motel plan in the first place.

"George, it's not--it's not like that--" Dean began but stopped short, not knowing what to say to comfort her.

When George's head suddenly popped up again, Sam jumped, his head jerking toward the road and Dean stifled a laugh.

Looking back at him, she asked, "Ok, but why would we stop at a motel when we're this close? It's the middle of the day, the place is still open." Looking back and forth between them, she saw their expressions slowly turn guilty and she realized. With a mildly offended huff, she stated matter of factly, "Oh, you were going to leave me at the motel while the two of you went to go look for Jack alone. Got it." Crossing her arms over her chest, she turned to look out the window. Dean and Sam shared a guilty, 'oh, shit' expression.

"It's just that..." Sam tried to pick up where his brother left off, wanting to explain, but he froze too. He couldn't stop kicking himself for being distracted by her--er, their conversation. He should have been paying closer attention and now they faced nothing but bad options. Options that put her life in more danger. "...Well, it's just-"

"Oh, calm down," She cut him off softly with a small eye roll, looking back at them. She sneered like a spoiled teenager, "It's fine; I'm fragile and weak and have no monster fighting skills to speak of. I'm a baby sans trench coat. It would be too dangerous and irresponsible to let me come with you, so you had a plan. I get it. Liking it is another story, but I get it. At least now I know how Jack feels," She lobbed, giving Sam an annoyed smirk, to which his head hung slightly. With a deep calming breath, she explained in a more poised tone, "I'm not upset, I'm just frustrated that there's nothing I can do about it; I know how fucking pig headed the two of you are when you're right."

"Even worse when we're wrong," Dean added empathetically after a beat and Sam nodded apologetically.

George snorted in agreement and sighed, "Alright, well your offensively infantilizing, yet totally justified plan to forcefully protect me has failed, so now what?"

Dean rubbed his eyes, letting out some thoughtful grumbles and trying to clear the sleep fog from his brain, "Uhm, well we just gotta keep driving to the next town, find a safe place for you there and then double back; start looking for Jack."

As Dean spoke, George allowed herself to focus on her instincts and there was suddenly a fire alarm going off in her head. There was a sense of urgency she couldn't shake. Jack was in trouble.

Looking directly at Sam, George begged, "The nearest town is nearly 20 miles away! We have to find Jack, now. We're this close and I don't think we have time to waste. I've got a bad feeling," Either because they were getting closer to where she believed Jack to be or because she was finally paying attention to something other than Sam, she could sense how much danger the kid was in. But Dean was shaking his head dismissively, not listening beyond her request to stop. She tried offering sweetly, "We can at least stop since it's right here and you guys can take ten minutes to ask around and see if they've seen him? Do your little detective cosplay, strictly recon--I'm not sure if I'm using that term right but it sounds cool, so just go with it. I will stay in the car! Please!"

Dean looked like he was considering it but quickly shook his head, "George, I don't think that's a good idea; you'd be completely vulnerable and we can't be distracted worrying about you when we're trying to find Jack." He then squinted at her, offended. "And it's not cosplay. We're hunters, not LARPers."

"OK, I've seen you LARP and I know for a FACT you fucking love it, Mr. Braveheart!" Dean gave her a shocked glare, forgetting again that she knew more about their lives than a woman he'd met mere days ago normally would. She continued before he could respond, "And seriously, you guys I have a really bad feeling," She held her abdomen for emphasis, "Jack's in trouble! Please, I'll stay in the car with all the doors locked and one of your big giant knives. I'll be OK! I stabbed you didn't I?!" George reminded Dean, though she knew she was grasping at straws now.

Dean's eyes narrowed, "OK, first of all, you sliced me a little an-"

"Enough! Dean's right, we're not risking your life, Georgia. It's too dangerous," Sam's tone was startlingly definitive and both she and Dean were a bit stunned. Now that he realized who she was--who she had to be--there was no fucking way Sam was putting her in anymore danger. He'd made enough lapses in judgment since she'd showed up, any number of which could have already gotten her killed. He was done taking risks with her life.

As they saw the 'coming up' sign for "The Trees of Enigma", he pushed his foot down, speeding up just enough to make his point.

"Sam, please listen to me! Jack is here and he's in danger! What about protecting him?!" Both Sam and Dean shared an uneasy look; she could see they were torn she just didn't know how to convince them. Desperately, she reasoned, "I will be fine in the car! I promise! I'm from the future, God damnit! Don't you think I would know if I'd died on an old episode of Supernatural?!"

"I can't take that chance," Sam replied sternly, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Dean and she shared a confused expression and George huffed.

When they spotted the giant Johnny Appleseed statue around the bend, her stomach dropped. She could tell by the look on Sam's face there was no use and she began to panic, pleading with him. He was resolute about continuing, but as they were coming up on the turn in for the parking lot, he suddenly felt the steering wheel pulling against him. The whole car started thumping hard on the left hand driver's side. It took them a second to realize they'd gotten a flat tire and Sam knew he had no choice but to pull off the mountain highway and into the tourist spot's parking lot.

As he safely maneuvered the car into a distant parking spot and shut Baby off, George couldn't help but thank her lucky stars.

"Motherfucker," Sam landed a punch on the steering wheel.

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't you take this out on her!" Dean shouted angrily. "A car is only as good as its driver."

"Oh, you know what?! Yo--" Sam began but he was cut off by George's impatience.

"It doesn't matter, stop fighting!" Her tone was authoritative. "We're here and we aren't going anywhere anytime soon. So, why don't you boys go be hunters while I put the spare on the car? I'll be preoccupied with the car, it'll give you a chance to gather some intel on Jack, and by the time you come out you'll be able to take me to a motel--Not like that, Dean." She cut him off when she saw a smart ass expression burst onto his face at her words.

"You can change a tire?" He asked skeptically instead.

"Yes, Dean, I can change a tire. Ya know, women can also vote and take birth control now, too!"

"No, I know women can, I'm asking: can you?"

She shoved him gently and opened her car door, ordering, "just get out and show me where the spare is!" When she exited, a grateful shiver ran through her at the piercingly crisp Oregon climate. She was thankful for the relief from her earlier panic sweating.

Sam and Dean both exchanged identical "I-don't-like-this" looks before getting out of the car after her and popping the trunk. Dean lifted the trunk and then grabbed the false bottom that held some of their weaponry, exposing the spare and equipment underneath.

"OK, here's the jack and the lug wrench," he handed her the two tools and then reached back in for the tire. "Lemme pull the spare out for you."

"Stop wasting time, I can pull a tire out of a trunk."

"No, really, it's probably going to take one person just to hold the weapons up." Sam gently nudged her out of the way and leaned in to grab the spare while Dean held up the armory. Sam set it down next to the flat and then shoved the jack into position underneath the car with ease.

"Hey, knock it off. I told you I can change a tire," She grabbed Sam's wrist and tugged him back from the car, gently shoving him and Dean toward the visitor center and gift shop. "Now go! Go find out what you can about Jack. The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be back." Sam and Dean exchanged nervous looks, hesitating. "I'll be fine. Go. Bring me back some salt-water taffy!" She joked, trying to distract them.

"Wait," Dean walked back over and flipped back down the weapons shelf in the trunk and pulled a 17" bowing knife from some hidden pocket. Holding it out to her hilt first, he said, "The biggest knife we have. Don't hurt yourself."

"Jesus," She gulped. "OK. That's… big." She took it from his outstretched hand, nodding apprehensively, trying to psych herself up should she need to use it.

"I get that a lot." As Dean winked, George let out a small laugh and brandished the sheathed knife at him, faux menacingly.

Sam took a step towards her and pointed his hands at her in prayer position, "Hey, the second you get the spare on, you get in that car, lock all the doors, and watch for us, OK? Don't leave the car for any reason. Promise?" Now he was pleading with her.

"What if I have to pee?" She joked half-heartedly, starting to feel nervous and selfishly not wanting him to go.

"You could always try using that empty Pepsi bottle you had your eye on the other day," Sam cracked a small smile.

"Don't. Don't do that." Dean interjected in a serious tone. "Let's go, Sammy," Dean had to pull Sam away with a rough tug and the brothers headed for the gift shop while George checked that the jack was in place and began wrenching it up.

When she finally finished changing the tire about an hour later, she was sweating again and even more grateful for the nice, cool outside air. She lowered the car to the ground, then picked up the jack and lug wrench, placing them in the trunk. When she turned around to grab the flat, a beautiful woman with long dark brown hair was standing practically where George had just been standing herself.

"Jesus!" George startled upon seeing her, reeling backwards into the trunk a little.

"No, I'm Duma. Are you with the Winchesters?" She got right to the point. George suddenly felt all the hairs on her arms stand on end; this woman definitely seemed familiar, but was she a demon or an angel? Or something else? George couldn't remember. She noticed that Duma was standing between her and the knife, which she'd stupidly left on the ground on the other side of the discarded tire.

Shit.

"The who?" George played dumb, trying to figure out what to do. The boys would be back any minute right? Duma was starting to give her a funny look, like she was studying her.

"What…" Duma paused, squinting her eyes and looking her slowly up and down, "what are you?"

"Excuse me?" George replied, a little dumbstruck--not to mention offended--by the question. She slowly placed her hand casually on the lip of the open trunk. She tried to dart her eyes down imperceptibly to where her hand was, searching for any weapons she might be able to grab. Duma started to slowly step closer to her, seemingly not noticing George's fingers moving toward the 3" tactical blade strapped just within reach.

"What are you?" Duma reached for her and George whipped the knife out of its holster, slicing it at her and causing her to jump back.

The little tourist shop was surprisingly busy. As Officers Page and Plant waited patiently to speak with the manager they'd asked for going on 20 minutes ago, Dean watched Sam closely.

"Not in the mood," George said, swiping at her again and taking a confident step forward as Duma retreated. "Now back off." George didn't notice the nameless angel minion that had appeared behind her and never saw the cosmic knockout coming.

-----

Finally Sam noticed and raised a perturbed eyebrow, "What?"

Dean smiled knowingly and shook his head, "Nothing."

"Good, then keep your eyes to yourself," Sam sneered at him. He was reeling from his last conversation with George. Despite his earlier convincing, he was now nearly positive she was the woman from his dream and it wasn't anything he wanted to discuss with Dean. Though, he felt like his brother could see the scarlet letter on his chest and it was putting him on edge.

Just then an aged, grey haired black man appeared at the counter and waved them over. He was tall with a little more weight around the middle than the rest of him and just the slightest hint of wrinkles along the sides of his face, denoting that the wide, friendly smile he was giving them was a typical look for him.

Dean chuckled and muttered, "Ooh, smitten Sammy is salty," as they walked up to the counter and flashed their badges at the man. Sam narrowed his eyes, biting back his response to focus on the job at hand.

"Can I help you, Officers?" The wrinkle-faced man asked, eyes scanning the police badges curiously.

"We're looking for a missing person," Dean stated as Sam held up his phone with a picture of Jack for the man to see. "There's a chance he's in some real danger. Have you seen him?"

The man looked carefully at the photo and then shook his head apologetically, "No sir, I don't believe I have. But there's a separate shack for our walking tour tickets. Molly's been out there working the window all day. If he came through she'll know."

"Thank you, how do we--?" Sam asked quickly, putting his phone away.

"Just go back out the way you came, follow the wooden fence along to the left, and you'll see a path for the walking tour," The man pointed the way with a renewed, jovial smile and they thanked him.

Exiting out the door, the brothers followed the man's directions until they found the walking tour shack. Behind the plexiglass window was an older woman they could only describe as a redneck hippie. What they could see of her outfit was jean overalls and a cotton tie-dye shirt. She had the tanned leathery skin of a woman who spent her life either working in or enjoying the outdoors, her bleach blonde hair was hair sprayed to heaven, had dark black roots, and her teeth were a muddy shade of smoker yellow. On the tip of her nose sat a pair of small, round, purple tinted glasses attached to a beaded chain around her neck and her overalls were covered in an eccentric mishmash of flair that included the NRA and the Grateful Dead.

Dean gave a charming smile and began, "Officers Page and Plant. Molly, I presume?"

"Hello Gentlemen," She greeted happily with a wide, appreciative smile, removing her glasses from her nose and laying them against her chest. When they lifted up their badges she raised a brow, "Oh, 'Officers,' I see."

"Everyday of my life. How can I be of service?" She was sizing them both up carefully, appraising them.

"We're looking for someone," Dean repeated as Sam held the phone up for Molly to see. "Have it on good authority he might have gone through here. Any chance you've seen him?"

Molly reached up and grabbed her glasses again. Slipping them on quickly, she leaned closer to the glass and inspected the photo.

"Hard to say," She started, squinting her eyes a bit. "But there was a baby faced young man that came through with his sister a little bit ago. Could be the same guy, but my eyes just ain't what they used ta be."

"How long ago?" Dean asked seriously.

"Maybe an hour?"

"How did he seem?"

"Quiet and moody," Molly shrugged, "typical for your average young boy dragged here by their family. Didn't think much of it, honestly."

"What did his sister look like?"

"Shorter than him, but just as pale. Long brown hair, brown eyes I think? I'd say mid-twenties. She looked about as thrilled to be here as he did."

"Did they buy tickets?" Sam asked quickly.

"Sure did," Molly nodded. "Paid cash, asked for the fastest route to the wilderness trail." She picked up a map sitting in the display case in front of her, then grabbed a pen and drew out directions quickly, as though she'd done it a thousand times before. Handing the map through the small cutout in her window, she stated, "These are the directions I gave them."

"Thank you very much for your assistance, Molly," Sam said sincerely, grabbing the map and taking a few steps back, ready to head toward Jack.

"No problem, Officer," Molly said with a sweet smile, then turned to Dean and said, "Listen, I have a granddaughter you'd be perfect for." Dean raised an intrigued eyebrow, a charming smile appearing on his face as Molly reached up above the plexiglass and yanked a photo down from the shelf. Holding it out for Dean to see, she suggested, "Maybe the two of us can figure out a way to get her away from her no good, crank dealing boyfriend, eh?"

Initially interested, Dean moved closer to the photo and then wrenched back quickly, "Molly… Uh… how old is--"

"Sheila. She'll be 17 in October. Ain't she a beauty?" Molly grinned proudly. Dean and Sam both tried to hold back grimaces.

"Oh, of course, I understand," Molly nodded quickly and grabbed up a pen and another map, scribbling a note and handing it through the plexiglass. "Here's her SnapChat. She's always looking for new friends!"

"Well, she certainly takes after her grandmother, doesn't she?" Was all Dean could think to say. Luckily Molly was clearly flattered and he added quickly, "But, uh, we're on official police business right now, so I can't real--"

Dean, masking his horror like a pro, took the glossy, folded piece of evidence and nodded, "Thanks, Molly. You've been a real help."

"Anything for you, Officer!" She called after them as he took a few steps to catch up with Sam and the two of them began heading down the trail.

After tossing Dean's map in the first trash can they could find out of eye-shot of Molly, they followed Sam's map for about a mile along the trail before coming to a split. The two of them looked first left then right. The left path went straight around the mountain, the right path wound up the mountain in a zigzag pattern.

Sam checked the map again, "OK, she directed them this way," he pointed toward the left.

"Hold on," Dean said, having turned around. He was now facing about 90 degrees to the left of the left path. "You see this?" Sam turned to look and saw a line in the surrounding ground ivy that looked like a man made path. It clearly wasn't as used as the other two and it wasn't on the map.

"What about it? Molly sai-"

"Look," Dean instructed, pointing into the forest. As Sam scanned the area Dean was pointing at, Dean started slowly following the small, easily missable path. He followed him, still not seeing anything of interest, and they walked about 40 feet before Sam finally noticed a patch of dark green that looked decidedly unnatural against the normal foliage.

As they got closer it became clear that what they were seeing was a dark green nylon winter coat. The coat was attached to a body that was crumpled on its side, as though tossed into the vegetation in a hasty effort to hide it. Drawing their weapons, they approached carefully. Dean got there first, finding a small, fair skinned, brown haired woman.

"Jack's 'sister'?" Dean asked bending down to place two fingers on the young woman's neck, though she was very clearly dead.

"That's Tilly!" Sam said sharply, finally catching up.

"You mean, it was Tilly," Dean looked at him curiously.

Sam grimaced and explained, "Another refugee. She's been training with us. I thought she was on a Wraith hunt with Steiner and Green."

"So, what's she doing here?" Dean asked, standing up straight again.

"And why did Jack come with her? They hardly know each other." The two of them quickly swept the immediate area for any clues but found nothing more. Moving her body farther out of sight for the time being, they then continued cautiously forward along the path.

[lunasxsol]

Love Like This

Bill Skarsgård x Reader

Word Count: 2194

Warnings: Abortion

(A/N: If you do not believe a woman should have a choice on her body then you can fuck off thank you vm. On another note I hope you enjoy this angsty fic. I just had this idea lingering in my mind so it’s here now..)

As I sat in the waiting room dreading my name being called, I looked at the other women that look terrified to go into one of the rooms. Some of them came alone as myself and others came with their significant others or friends. A nurse had brought over a clipboard with some paper I had to sign. I was so nervous I couldn't keep my hands from shaking, I felt like I was going to pass out. Someone took my hand in theirs, I look up to see my best friend Maia. She took me in her arms as I silently cried.

"It's okay, I'm here."

"I thought I was gonna have to go through this alone."

She shook her head taking the clipboard from me, "I would never let you do this alone. Now you sit and calm down and I'll fill this for you okay?" I nodded taking a drink from my water.

Once she finished filling out the forms she handed them back to the nurse and we waited to be called over.

"Y/n L/n"

I got up quickly as did Maia, "You'll be alright, I'll wait here." She gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the head."

"Alright hun lets get you prepped." The nurse said as she took me to one of the operating rooms.

After 15 mins the procedure was finally done, they took me to the recovery room where Maia sat on the couch waiting for me. The nurse, Stella, handed me a cup of water and some pain meds before she went back to her office.

"You okay?" I nodded laying on the bed, Maia took my hand in hers. "He called." I stayed quiet not carrying what he had to say. "He called me too, I didn't pick up."

"Maia, I don't care anymore. I needed him here more than anything and he left me." My eyes started watering once again. "We'd been together for two years and he couldn't respect my one difficult decision. He can go to hell for all I care."

We stayed quiet for a while until the doctor came back and discharged me. Maia took drove us home, I thanked her for being there for me, "I'm going to sleep early today, goodnight Maia." She nodded.

I went into my room shutting the door quickly, taking a seat on my bed and letting myself cry. Maybe if we had gone through this conversation differently then maybe he would've respected my decision.

[Flashback]

I looked at the pregnancy test that read PREGNANT in its bold letters. What the hell was I gonna do? I'm only 19, I'm still enrolled in the uni. I have so much ahead of me. I can't put it aside, I've worked too hard for it.

"Hey babe!" Bill spoke as he walked into my room. "So my parents are having a celebratory dinner for Alexander- hey what's wrong?" He turned me around and I handed him the test. "Hey its alright, we'll figure this out."

I shook my head, "I'm not ready."

He pulled me into a hug sighing, "Neither am I but we can do this. You have me.. till the end."

"No you don't understand.. I'm not ready, I can't have a baby right now, Bill."

"So what you're going to give it up?" I nodded. "You're kidding right?"

"Bill, we aren't ready. Do you not get it?" I threw the pregancy test in the trash brushing past him and taking a seat on my bed. "Your body isn't going to go through the entire change. I am not you. You get to walk around and continue to do your shit while I go to class carrying the child and getting called a whore for opening my legs at a young age. So yes I am going to give it up because I'm too fucking young to have a child."

"Fuck them, you shouldn't give a fuck of what other people say about you. God knows I don't so neither should you."

I chuckled, "My parents sacrificed so much so they can send me here to study at the uni of my choice, I'm not messing it up because of our fuck up."

"So what our child is a fuck up now?" He was red with anger.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way but if you loved me you would respect my decision."

"I love you (Y/n but I'm sorry, I don't agree with it. So whatever you're thinking of doing to our 'fuck up' you can do it alone." He left slamming the door loudly leaving me completely alone.

[End of flashback]

I sat up turning the tv on to have some sort of background noise. There was a knock at my door I groaned not wanting to see Maia or anyone at the moment. "Maia I'm okay, I just want to sleep."

The door was opened and a tall figure had walked in.

"Hey."

"Get out."

"I'm sorry."

"Get the fuck out." He didn't listen and instead kept coming closer. "Bill seriously get the fuck out."

"I need to talk to you."

I chuckled, "Well if it's to try and change my mind you can kindly fuck off cause the procedures done and so are we."

"I know it's done and I should've been there." I finally looked up at him his eyes sunken and red. "I'm sorry, I should have respected your decision because it's your body. I was just happy that we were gonna have a baby. I thought you wanted one."

"I did, I do, just not now. Not till I was settled." He nodded both our eyes brimming with tears. "Bill I need a break, a really long break. You fucked up and I-I don't know anymore. Look I'm 19 you're 26, I don't want kids till I'm like 30 or maybe never I don't know. And well with the way you reacted it's evident you want kids now. I knew this relationship wasn't gonna last."

"Hey, hey, I do want kids but I can wait. Just don't-don't leave, please." He took my hand in his but I quickly moved it away.

I sighed now full on crying, "I'm sorry Bill but this isn't gonna work out. You can find someone your age that you can settle down with now. I still have years before I'll even remotely be sure if I want kids. By then you'll be in your mid 30s, which is besides the point but what if I don't want kids what will you do then?" He shrugged his shoulders crying silently. "I love you Bill but we can't be together anymore."

He got up pressing a lingering kiss on my forehead, "I'm sorry."

***

3 years later

Today was finally moving day. I had finished my studies in New York and I was moving back down to LA. My parents were a bit against it since we had lived there years ago but they hated it there but I loved it. I was moving down by the beach areas. Maia was staying here with her fiancé.

"Well Ms. those are the last of your boxes." I handed the movers a decent tip and they went on their way.

I turned to Maia as she was already getting emotional, "Hey no crying, it's bad for the baby."

She chuckled pulling me in for a tight hug, "Hey me and Rosalie are gonna miss you."

I pulled away immediately in shock, "it's a girl?" She nodded causing me to shriek in excitement. Tyler came into the room and I jumped on him. "Congrats!"

"We were actually wondering if you would like to organize the baby shower for us." Tyler spoke.

"Yes of course!"

"We wanted to do it in 4 months. Closer to her due date."

"Once I get everything situated in LA I'll get things prepped and fly back here to organize everything!"

There was a honk outside of our house.

"Well guys I will see you in 4 months!" I hugged them both goodbye and grabbed my suitcase getting into the taxi.

***

2 weeks later

I was finally getting the finishing touches to my new house down. I still had a bit of work left but everything was mostly good to go. Now I currently sat in my living room going through a couple of designs for tomorrow's meeting. With the help of one of my close celebrity friends he got me a job with Leah Valderia a famous singer from London. She wanted help with her house and of course I said yes. This could be a great opportunity for my interior design career.

It was getting late and I decided to call it a night. I would show her the designs I had and maybe go shopping with her for some of the things.

The next morning I made sure to wake up early. I took a quick shower to calm my nerves. For my outfit I decided on a corduroy skirt that was a creamy chocolate color and a black turtle neck that fit perfectly. I also went with a dark grey oversized blazer that was just an inch longer than my skirt, for shoes I went with some heeled ankle boots. I did some light makeup and left my hair in its regular straight style. I added just some thin gold necklaces just to bring the whole outfit together. I looked at the time and grabbed my purse and work folders quickly heading out of my house. Before leaving the lot I sent a quick text to Leah letting her know I was on my way.

The traffic to her mansion was horrible to say the least. Luckily I made it on time, I parked my car on the curb and jogged to her door. "Great you're here, please come in!"

Looking around I could definitely see some potential for this beautiful home, "So Y/n I'm so excited you're here. I'm hoping you can bring my vision to life!" We took a seat in her office and she opened her laptop sliding it towards me. She had quite the vision. "I will sure try."

We were in her office for two hours, let's just say she is completely indecisive about what she wants to do with this place. So beautiful and so much potential only her vision was nothing like mine. "So we can definitely do what you want to do and we can also add some color maybe open up these curtains here as well just to get some light and more open space."

"Great! Let me show you the nursery so you can kind of get an idea of what we can with it. This baby will be here in 3 months need to have it done before anything else."

"What are you having?"

"A girl! I'm so excited, I hope one day you get to experience how beautiful it is to carry a life."

I smiled not really knowing what to say I just nodded, "Hey honey, I'm home, brought the- Y/n?"

"Bill?"

"You guys know each other?"

"We-"

"I-"

"We dated years ago."

"Oh?" Leah looked down. "Is she?" Bill only nodded.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna go. I can send you an email of other designers if-"

Leah shook her head, "No I love your work, that's why I called in for you. This thing you and Bill had is in the past so I would still like to work with you if that's alright."

I nodded, "Well I'll email you some of the ideas I have then we can get started immediately. I'll be back in a week?"

"Perfect."

"Well I'll see you Leah, beautiful house you have here."

Bill set his things down, "I'll walk her out." Leah only nodded.

My car was only a block away but as we walked it felt like it was miles away. "Congratulations." I broke the silence.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"I told you, you would find someone to make you happy. Look at you, you're gonna have a baby."

"Yeah, I'm really happy, but I'm still really sorry about what happened between you and I. I'm sorry we didn't work out and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I should have been there for you."

I sighed trying not to cry, "It was a bit traumatizing, having the procedure done is weird and horrible but it had to be done. I don't think I would've been happy if we went through with the pregnancy. I never want to be resentful towards a kid that wasn't at fault you know." He nodded. "I went to therapy after we broke up, got back on my feet and now I'm okay with it. I'm happy for you and happy that you're with someone that can give you the life you deserve."

He pulled me in for a hug giving me a kiss on the forehead, "I love you Bill Skarsgård."

"I love you too Y/n L/n and I wish you nothing but the best."

[43th3rz30n]

A fluffy curse, chapter 2

--Let's travel a bit--

"Harmony," Raika says, holding Harmonys hands "Is it true that true loves kiss will get rid of this..." He began to wag his tail slightly. "Yeah but you're kinda cute as a Neko..." Harmony giggled, caressing Raikas cheek. Raika purred slightly "Stop.... you're making me purr..." He smiled slightly. "Well.... How about it? Shall we try?" Harmony asked, her eyes sparkling in the light. "Try what?" He blinked. "Kiss, silly" She giggled again, bringing her face closer to his. "Ah, I should've guessed..." Raika then brought his face closer to Harmonys, allowing them to kiss. Once they kissed, Harmony watched as Raikas ears and tail disappeared, meaning he was finally normal. "Thank you" He gave her a warm smile "Now then.... what's say we-"

But.... all that was just a simple dream.

"GAH! IM AWAKE!" Harmony shot up, her breathing heavy. "Harmony, are you okay?" Raika asked, hopping onto her bed. "I-im fine.... it's just... I had a dream and..." Harmony tried to explain what had happened, but she couldn't. "Anyways, the other two have been whining and meowing for food. I told them to wait, but they refused" Raika pounced down from the bed and left the room. "Oh no.... that could only mean one thing..." Harmony sighed, getting out of bed and leaving her room to enter the kitchen. There, she found Lan and Chaud snacking on some cat biscuits they had knocked onto the floor. "You guys.... seriously?" Harmony nudged them away with a dustpan and brush and began to clean up their mess. "We where hungry..." Lan whined as he began to try and shove as many biscuits into his mouth as he could. "Why not just wait next time?" Harmony sighed again "I really don't wanna be doing this kind of stuff..... guess I'll have to manage..." she placed the floor biscuits into the bin "Now then.... Lets get you lot fed then...." She then opened the cupboard again to both put away the biscuit box and get out a fresh tin of cat food. "Don't worry, I'll get you all some water in a minute..." She said, putting the cat food in their bowls. I forgot to mention this, but they where both appropriately coloured and had their names on them so they could tell who's is who's. Once done, she picked up their water bowls and, of course, filled them with water. "Now then..... I gotta make myself some food...." Harmony placed their water bowls back down.

"You guys wanna go out and explore a bit today?" Lan asks, still munching on his food. Chaud shook his head "After yesterday, let's not.... that dog could still be out there..." Both Chaud and Lan then shivered from just the sheer memory of the dogs barking. Raika, on the other hand, didn't, as he didn't go with them and was asleep most of the time. "Hm? So, you guys encountered.... him...." Harmony growled at the word 'him'. "Do you know that dog?" Lan began to almost shove his entire head in his water bowl. Harmony nods "Yes. His name is Inferno and he recently ran away from some thing where people force animals to fight. It's a tv show, but I only watch it so I can take notes in hope I can someday shut it down and save those poor animals..." she explained "And please don't drown yourself, Lan...". Lan pulled his head from the water bowl and began to gasp for air. "What're you trying to do, exactly?" Chaud asks "I'm sure that's not how to drink water....". "I do what I want, Chaud. It's my life" Lan huffed in response, shoving his head back in his water bowl for another 5 seconds before pulling back up and properly drinking the water.

"What. The. Fuck." Chaud would facepalm, but he's a cat, so he obviously can't. He just decides to walk off, but finds himself inside a small room under the stairs(*distant harry potter theme*). Lan had finally finished his and left no trace.... apart from some minor splashes of water and a few pieces of cat food. Raika had actually finished before the both of them, but was just sitting near his two bowls. "Hm? You haven't left yet?" Harmony said, crouching down and gently petting Raika. Raika growled as she did so, causing her to pull away. "So, you don't exactly like being pet, do you..." Harmony sighed. Raika mumbled something under his breath, getting up and walking off, putting his tail up as if to say 'hecc off'. "Wait did a 12 year old just swear a few seconds ago?" Harmony stood back up "I think so....". "I'm so bored..." Lan began to roll around on the sofa, before accidentally turning on the tv via rolling on the remote. The other two cats stop what they're doing and come over to inspect what was going on. Lan pounces off of the sofa and joins Chaud and Raika in watching the tv, sitting in the middle of the two. What was on tv appeared to be some horror movie. The movie was titled 'The beast in the portrait'. When one of the beasts formed from a portrait that was hung up on the wall and began running towards the screen, Lan began to loudly meow. "Lan, shut it!" Chaud gently bonked Lan on the head. Lan growls "Alright, Alright....". "I heard this movie is rated 18. We shouldn't be watching this." Raika spoke. "We'll be fine, Raika." Lan replied, eyes fixed on the tv screen. Then, a spooky thing happend, causing the three to hide in all different places, scattering god knows what all over the place. Harmony heard the spooked cat noises and entered the front room "Really? You're watching THIS of all movies?" She growled, turning off the tv. Chaud came out of hiding, with Raika following, who was dragging Lan along.

"Look, I'm going out today to get you three some toys and a cat flap. Can you stay out of trouble, please?" Harmony sighed, facepalming. Raika and Chaud nodded. "Oh come on, aren't we too old for toys?" Lan walked up to her and sat down. "It's just to keep you entertained." She then walked to the back door and opened it, watching as the three ran out "And stay safe!" She called out as she closed the door. "Alright. Now let's go!" Lan jumped up on the wall and ran off. Raika and Chaud looked at eachother before following the Havana Brown towards the town. "It feels so good to be back!" Lan stretched. "But Lan, this place is pretty dangerous..." Chaud lands next to Lan after jumping off a trash bin. Raika began to sniff the area, curiously. Lan signalled for the two to follow him. Okay now I know this is a bad time to cut but

-Meanwhile, in the cyberworld-

"I'm still wondering why that cat was meowing at me" Megaman said to both Protoman and Searchman. "Normally, cats meow quite alot" Protoman replied. "Yeah, Well.... I feel like this one was trying to talk to me..." Megaman done that hmm emoji thing idk how to describe it. "Did you see the collars?" Searchman spoke up "They had our Navi marks on them. Perhaps they where actually our NetOps". "But they're cats..... how can they?" Protoman is SERIOUSLY that dumb in this fanfic? I mean... he thinks he's god.... AAAANYWAYS, it eventually clicked. "THE MYSTICTINY!" They all said in unison. "I mean, it was pretty obvious" Searchman sighed. Megaman just laughed, but Protoman.... he just zoned out

'Why did Harmony have to exist'

Back with the main trio now. Yeah, the cyberworld talk was short, I know. I'm sorry. Will have longer parts for them

Anyways, Lan was leading the group through town, as he had more knowledge from previous trips to Aurora. "What should we do today...." Lan looked up at the sky, not watching where he was going. "There's not much to do as a cat other than walk around.... and watch where you're going!" Raika began to chase Lan as he began to wander off in a different direction. Chaud sighed and followed. Lan ended up bumping into a wall..... so it seemed. It was the same dog from yesterday. "H-hi.... uhh..." Lan took a few steps back as the dog growled "Don't worry, w-we're leaving..." he then ran off, leaving Chaud and Raika behind. "What's say we follow him?" Chaud suggested as the dog walked closer. Raika nods "Yeah...." and the two where off like a rocket. They soon found Lan in the same bakery as yesterday. He had a piece of pastry in his mouth. This time it was larger than the last one. It was actually a full one... whatever that means. Anyways, Lan brought the pastry over to the two and placed it down infront of them. "It's a little buuut..... we'll manage" Lan took a bite of the pastry, only to yowl out in pain "GAH! I WAS WRONG! WE WONT MANAGE" He whimpered. Chaud chuckled "Just let it cool down, then we'll manage, just like you said".

After a long while of waiting, Chaud and Lan began to eat the pastry, but Raika didn't. "Raika, what're you waiting for? Dig in?" Lan said to the Russian Blue, mouth full of food. Raika was silent. "Okay, fine, I stole it... but it was worth it" Lan just openly admitted to stealing. Ok. Cool. Don't steal, kids(Oh god without the comma that could turn unusually dark quick). "That's exactly why I'm not even taking a bite out of it...." Raika huffed. "Oh come on! Just because it's stolen doesn't mean - oh I dunno - that it's poisoned or something" Lan then procceeded to take some meat that was inside of it out and handed it to Raika. Raika looked and sniffed it before eating it. "See, it's nothing bad..." Lan then began to eat the pastry again. 'I mean.... it'll be fine, won't it?' Raika thought to himself as he took a small bite of the pastry. He deemed the pastry okay and began to eat it with the other two and in a matter of minutes, the pastry was gone. "Alright, what next?" Lan said, shaking as if he was drying himself. The other two practically shrugged, but they can't because they're cats. "Let's just have a look around, since there's nothing really to do as cats" Chaud suggested "And maybe it might help us get around here the next time we come". "If we ever get turned back into humans, that is" Raika added. "I'm sure we will, Raika! Now come on! Let's go!" Lan then ran off to explore, Raika and Chaud following. "At this point we're just going back to places we've already been...." Chaud sighs. "Hey, I don't exactly wanna get lost" Lan growled slightly "..... oh, hey... it's the fountain again" He then ran towards the fountain, allowing himself to sit on the wall thing idk what it's called. The other two did the same thing, but Chaud felt a little evil and had the urge to shove Lan in. He slowly raised a paw, but noticed Raikas expression as the eldest cat shook his head. Chaud sighed in defeat but decided to then get behind Raika and shove HIM in. "Chaud? Why'd ya do that?" Lan asked, giggling. "I don't know. I just felt like it" Chaud grinned in response. Raika growled and, with his mouth, grabbed Chauds front right leg and pulled him in. "Raika!" He yelled "What was that for!?". "Hey, you did it to me. It only seems fair that I do it to you, too" Raika gave Chaud the same grin he was wearing a few seconds ago.

They then noticed that Lan was gone. "Hey wait- where's Lan?" Raika asked. Soon, they heard footsteps - or should I say 'pawsteps' - coming closer. "Oh no..." The Angora and Russian Blue said in sync as they noticed what was about to happen. "CANNON BALL!" They hear Lan shout as the Havana Brown dives in, unfortunately landing ontop of the two. "Lan!" They shout as Lan gets off of them. "Sorry." He laughed. Chaud then charged at Lan and knocked him over. "Alright, fair.... " Lan got up and shook off, getting water all over Chaud, dispite the fact he was already soaking. "We should get going now.... plus, cats can't shake off as easily as dogs" Raika says, hopping out from the fountain and shaking off, the younger two joining him. Lan soon walked off, leaving the other two behind. He eventually found himself sneaking inside of some shop. As he entered, he saw all sorts of candy, ranging from bubblegum to rock candy. I mean.... He had wandered into a candy shop and boy was it large! Lan knew he would have to come here when he's human again. "Wow.... look at all this candy!" He gasped "This all looks so good!" Lans mouth began to water, but then he shook his head and snapped himself out of it "No. I'm a cat.... cats can't eat candy". Even though he was a cat, Lan decided to take a small look around until he reached a section that had a sign that read 'Pet candy'. " 'Pet candy'?" He tilted his head as he walked over to it. There, he found all sorts of pet friendly candy for all sorts of animals. Ranging from cats to birds, there was a candy type for everyone. "Woah... they do this stuff?" Lan made his way over to a basket with a picture of a cat on "This must be the cat section...." He then took one of the candies from the basket. It was in a wrapper, so Lan figured out how to open it with his mouth. Underneath the wrapper revealed a brightly coloured stick of what appeared to be candy especially designed for cats. Lan took a small bite of the candy and meowed happily at its strawberry taste. He eventually ate the whole thing. "Wait.... do I have to pay for all of this when I'm a human..." Lan gulped and fled the scene, leaving an empty wrapper behind. He eventually bumped into Raika and Chaud, who appeared to be covered in dirt. "We where looking for you!" Raika hissed. "I even got my fur dirty!" Chaud, too, hissed. "Oh come on! I mean, I recently discovered that Aurora has invented pet friendly candy!" Lan smiled, pushing past the other two "We have the rest of the day ahead of us, so let's go explore!" He ran off again. "Will he ever stop running off?" Chaud sighed, angrily, as he and Raika chase Lan. It soon got crowded, and the three had to stick together.

"We should head back.... it's getting a bit too crowded..." Lan says, almost stepping on Raikas paw as they where literally sticking together. "Yeah, but which way is back?" Chaud asks, turning his head to look around. "We had better not be lost..." Lan, without thinking, runs on ahead. "Lan! Wait! We're supposed to stick together!" Chaud calls out to his friend as he and Raika chase him..... again. The area started to get less crowded as they soon found Lan, walking around in circles. Chaud then tackles Lan for no actual reason. "Quit running off, would you!?" He yelled at the smaller cat. "I can't help it!" Lan yelled back, kicking Chaud off of him and getting up. Chaud began to growl and hiss at Lan before turning around and walking away "Let's just go home before someone gets hurt...." he says, taking another path back home. Raika and Lan are quick to follow him.

Once they arrived back at home, They quickly rushed to get through the door, but little did they know..... it wasn't open and they all..... went through it? It appears that Harmony had installed a cat flap and in a single file, they fell through it, Raika being the last one to come through. "Welcome back, you three" Harmony greeted the fluffy trio as they walked over to their bowls, which had food and water already in them. Lan was quick to dig in to his food, but Raika and Chaud just went off to sleep. "Hey wait...." Harmony stopped the two before they could go to sleep. "Hm? What is it?" Raika asked. "I got you these" She held out two collars that looked like the ones they had on already. This time, they had their names on them and, while it wasn't visible, it had a crystal inside that could allow them to communicate to humans and NetNavis, but also talk to animals, which they already could, as they where animals. She took of their current collars and placed the new ones on. Lan came over to see what was going on, as he was eating and wouldn't let Harmony touch him while he was doing so. "What's going on?" He jumped onto the sofas arm. "I just gave Chaud and Raika new collars..." She replied, getting out a third. This one was the same. Identical to Lans current collar but with his name on it and a crystal that allowed him to communicate to humans and NetNavis. Lan was hesitant at first to get a new collar, but soon he allowed Harmony to take off his current and put on his new. "Hey, you guys wanna explore some more tomorrow?" Lan pounced on both Raika and Chaud, sitting inbetween the two. "Let's have a day in tomorrow...." Raika moved away slightly to curl up and go to sleep. Chaud sighs, also moving away to do what Raika did. Lan didn't. Lan wanted to go back outside to explore but.... he couldn't. He decided to curl up on Harmonys bed and go to sleep.